my promise

I'm so exhausted from working. I haven't had a day off since my birthday. my feet hurt. my back hurts. my clothes kind of smell from lack of time to wash them (don't judge, you know you've been there too). I almost over slept today, but was able to wake up and get dressed and be out the door in 15 minutes. my body is telling me to stop.

why am i doing this to myself? funny you ask. When i first decided to go back to Africa, I had this desire to earn my money this year. Well i soon started sending out donation letters and that desire quickly faded and laziness set in. Wouldn't it just be easier if the money was given to me? Again, God laughed at me just a little (as He does often) and reminded me of my desire to earn the money by getting those letters lost in the mail, sent back, and a few forgotten about all together. frustrating? yes. Instead of remembering my promise to earn the money, I got angry. Was this God's way of telling me I wasn't supposed to go back? But my heart longed to be there! The passion I have for Africa is so much I can hardly contain it. In the midst of my anger, God quietly spoke to me. Remember your promise? Remember the desire you had to earn your money? I'm not going to lie, I was a bit ashamed I had forgotten.

So yes, I'm tired. Yes, I'm worn in and beat up. Yes, I smell a little. But when this is all over with, when the money is finally in, the reward will be that much sweeter.


I want to be like this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpVsF4W8V2Y

nikukonda africa

just 3 1/2 short weeks until I leave. I'm pretty sure it's the only thing that I can think about these days. I honestly don't care about anything else. Is that a bad thing?

I thought of a funny story today about my boys (of course!)

So one day we were lined up in the main room waiting for Greer to start and all of a sudden they're jumping all over me, obviously really excited about a discovery they just made. They ask, "Auntie Kailee you're 20 right??" After I said yes they grabbed my hand and put it in the guy next to me's hand and with huge grins all across their faces they said, "you're 20 and Adam is 20! You will get married and have babies!" it was the funniest thing in the entire world because they were so certain they had found my future husband for me! Awkwardly I hadn't even met the guy because he was so quiet I usually talked to the guys on my other side! So in the midst of my boys playing match maker, I introduced myself to Adam, my future husband.


another story of how amazing my boys are:

So it was the day we got to go on the buses to visit the village that our kids were from. My boys went to a school called Tithandizane, which was in a village that was pretty rough. Well, I don't really know what the problem was with the buses, if there just wasnt enough going to Tithandizane or what, but my group was going to have to be split among a few buses in order to fit. So me and Kelvin put some of our kids on the first bus and start looking for another one when all of a sudden we realize we had all of our boys again. We find another bus and again try to fit some of our kids on this bus, but when they realized that we weren't coming with them they literally were jumping out of the windows to get off. At this point, I was getting frustrated because all of the buses were filling up and NONE of my boys were on them! We were running through all of the buses and I was being pulled by my boys so that I couldn't leave them! Eventually we found an empty bus that got to take all of us to Tithandizane together!

Well I obviously stuck out like a sore thumb when we got to the village, but let me tell you, I was SO completely protected by my guys and Kelvin! There was one time when we walked by a tavern (kind of like a bar) and there were a bunch of guys sitting outside of it. Well the guys started yelling things at me in nyanja and my boys literally formed a circle around me and started yelling things back, which I couldn't understand, but it was the cutest thing how protective they were! We then went to a "store" but really it was just big enough for one maybe two people to stand in. Kelvin went in and I stayed out with our boys, but I guess they didn't like the fact that I was out there without Kelvin so before I knew it they had pushed me inside the store too! ha!

side note: this year when I go in the village I will remember to take my name tag off. Kelvin failed to mention to me that the way my name is spelled is pronounced ka-i-lee which means somebody who has been to prison.

The greatest email I've ever gotten

So I just got an email from my partner, Kelvin! It was short but sweet! here it is:

Howde kailee

How u doing,i believe that God is guiding ya, as for me am doin fine although i have been busy with field work and camplife has started i jst cant wait to see the guys we had.i once met joseph and he is fine,he was very happy to see me.He was saying hi to u.I jst wanted to say hi,see u soon kailee


obviously his english is a little choppy, but still understandable! I can't believe he saw Joseph and that he wanted to say hi to me!! what great encouragement! I'm so ready!!

5 weeks.

exactly 5 weeks until africa. I can't hardly believe it.

I feel like it's the only thing that is on my mind, but it still doesn't seem real that I get to go back. I just miss my boys so incredibly much! it's so crazy knowing that it's been a whole year since I've seen them! I bet they've grown so much since then! What if I have trouble recognizing them?!

Last time I left Africa my heart was broken. It was the hardest thing in the entire world to leave and I didn't want to do it knowing that my baby boys were still there and still living in the conditions that they were. It just wasn't fair that these precious children were having to grow up so fast. That they've had to experience things beyond their 15 years. I was definitely still learning as I left because it took all of me to remind myself that I wasn't leaving them alone. We taught them about peace and how the Lord is their shepherd, so why was it so hard for ME to remember that?? Why was it so hard for me to believe that God had His strong arms over each and every one of them?? I was forced to have complete and 100% faith that God was taking care of my boys. Let me tell you, that wasn't a pretty piece of cake for me to do. If you know me at all, you know that I like to be involved and that's how I know things are working out right, by being in the middle of it. In this situation, I obviously couldn't do anything. It was the worst feeling. I felt so helpless and so hopeless.

But I know God is so good and He is taking care of them when I can't.


I'm also really excited to get a new group of kids! Secretly, I want little girls. But we all know from last year that God is going to give us what He thinks we should have! Last year I picked little boys 6-9 yrs old. I then decided to tell God that if I didn't get this age group that I would just not know what to do with myself. I had to have what I wanted. Well, God definitely laughed at me at that point and then decided to give me 10-15 yr old boys. and He gave me 15 of them. I was scared out of my mind, but each and every one of those boys was hand picked for me.

especially Joseph.

now I know you aren't supposed to pick favorites, but if I did, Joseph would definitely be mine. Let me just tell you when Joseph stole my heart. I had first met my boys and found out that none of them spoke english and was kind of freaking out. I then had to write my group number on all of their wrist bands, but when I got to Joseph, he says, "Auntie Kailee, Auntie Kailee, I don't have one!" Just as soon as those words came out, his eyes grew huge and he covered his mouth. He had just revealed his secret, he knew english! We laughed and he soon became my little helper.

something I realized after I left that just made me realize how awesome God is, is that I wasn't even supposed to have Joseph! He didn't get a wrist band from his school and technically wasn't even supposed to be at camp. He was taken away from me in the very beginning before I even knew who he was, but he made his way back before the day was over! My sweet Joseph was meant to be mine. His story was meant to be heard by me. It broke my heart.

the moment I knew I had to come back:
It was the very last day of camp, my boys were getting on the buses to leave. I had already been crying because of some pretty devistating news about Joseph, but he grabbed my face with both hands and looked me in the eyes and said, "I'll see you next year Auntie Kailee, I'll see you next year." He got on the bus and opened the window. I grabbed his hands and kept telling him how much I loved him. He turned his head so that I wouldn't see him wipe the tears from his face. He was trying to be so strong.

I knew then my story wasn't over here. I didn't know when it would be, but I knew it wasn't yet.

some pics to enjoy :)

I've just really been thinking about Africa a lot today and really CANNOT wait to be back! So I thought it would be fun to reminisce with some pictures and videos from last year :)

finding my joy

goodness gracious where has the time gone?

I really couldn't tell you. but one thing i do know is that school ends tomorrow, my birthday is just around the corner, and then i leave for africa a little over a month after that! crazy? yes.


well let me tell you my life has been a whirlwind this past month. In the past month, I have become discipleship chair, gotten my aggie ring, and decided i have absolutely no idea what i want to do with my life.

so where do i go from here? that's a really good question. one i don't have an answer for. Something God is constantly teaching me is that I don't have all the answers and my plans are nothing. well i'm kind of freaking out because i'm still not too good at remembering that. so currently, i can't get into my last english and spanish class this summer, didn't get into a class i need next semester and i feel like i'm falling behind more and more.


breathing.


buuuuuutttt i shouldn't say this month has been bad because that is NOT the case at all! God has brought me so much JOY lately through opportunites that have been given to me! i love seeing Him work in my life and in all my friends lives! sooo amazing :)


life is unpredictable. i wouldn't want it any other way.

back to the basics

I think sometimes we forget what it's all about. you know, we get caught up in the money and the clothes and shots and everything else that goes into a mission trip, but what is it all about?

it's not about me at all.

it's about the kids that get to go to camp. it's about the kids getting breakfast, lunch and a snack every day. it's about the new shoes that get put on their feet for the first time in years. it's about the jackets they got last year to keep them warm through the cold nights and the backpacks they will get this year that has their very own Bible in it.

It's about the kids learning that somebody loves them. somebody cares about them so much that their cups have overflown.

It's about the smiles on their faces when they find out that the Lord is their shepherd. That He will never NEVER leave them. It's the joy in their eyes when we give them a chance to forget about their world of pain and hurt and just get to play and be kids again.


James 1:27 says "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."



Gosh. to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. talk about hard. the world pollutes us every single day. the world is telling me right now that I'm running out of time to get my money in. time? really? do you think God really runs on our time? days, hours, minutes... none of that means anything to Him. We're talking about a God that created the ENTIRE UNIVERSE in 6 days. If that doesn't blow your mind then i don't know what will.

maybe this money won't come in MY time and in my plan, but i don't want it to. God's plan and God's timing is perfect and I will wait on the Lord and I will worship while I wait.