Filling me up

On sunday I completed something I never thought I could do. I drank ONLY water for an ENTIRE MONTH!!! Boy did I learn so much from this experience! Let me just give you a little background on what happened..

So I'm on Discipleship with 3 other girls for an organization I'm in called Aggie Sisters for Christ. Basically that means we are in charge of all the small group leaders. We're there to encourage them and love on them and basically pursue them. It's also our job to keep the small group leaders accountable for a lot of things. Well, one day we got to thinking that we don't really have anybody keeping us accountable for anything. Why not do something and keep each other accountable for it?

Our mission was water. Our length of time was 4 weeks. One whole month. 28 days. I don't know about you, but for me that is one heck of a long time to not drink anything else. If you know anything about me then you know that I don't drink water. I'm that girl that carries around crystal light packets and changes water bottles into lemonade. Yes, that's me. So for me to say that I was going to do this for an entire month seemed a bit of a long stretch. In fact, I honestly didn't think I could do it. Which if you think about it.. is kind of the point.

I couldn't do this on my own. I didn't possess the strength to resist that delicious gallon of milk staring at me every morning when I opened the fridge and reached for the brita. Or the millions of dr. pepper cans we had lying on the ground next to my 24 pack of water bottles left over from our ring dunk party the weekend before I started this journey. Yeah, let me tell you, the temptation was strong.

I would say the first couple days were the hardest because I was so tempted to just drink a little OJ with my bagel and not tell the other girls. They wouldn't know right? But what would I be proving by doing that? That I don't trust God? That this was too big of a feat for Him? No. I was going to do this. I was going to do it no matter how hard it got. And He was going to be the one to lead me through it.

After the first week I was feeling pretty good. And then a thought kind of hit me that I thought was pretty cool. (and a little cheesy but I like it so oh well) Before I started this I didn't drink water and I didn't think much about it because I didn't really know what I was missing and that was ok with me, but the more I drank water the more I needed it. I woke up thirsty and ready for more. It's the same thing with God. If you don't really know Him then you kind of just go on with your life and you don't know what you're missing. But the more you read His word and the more you talk to Him the more you need Him. You'll wake up thirsty for more of His knowledge! Isn't that a cool parallel? Here I am just thinking I'm giving up water and I'm learning more about our sweet Jesus :)

And I'll add that I can't stop drinking water. Other drinks taste weird now and water just seems like the easy choice! How did I go from hating water to picking it over all the rest in just one month?? Just proves how powerful God is!

It's been a while, but it feels like yesterday

So October is just around the corner. How did that happen? Time is escaping me these days. I never know where to start because too many things are constantly flying around in my head.

I guess I'll start by saying I have yet to apply for camp next year. I don't know why. My heart yearns to be with my boys, but something is holding me back. I guess I'm still fearful of what my future holds. Or maybe the fact that I don't know what it holds.

Wednesday there was an over seas day in Rudder where all of these organizations came and displayed their trips and adventures for us college kids to see. There was only one table about Africa. I went over and talked to the man. He was from Ghana. His accent was amazing. I could have sat there all day long, but unfortunately the business of life didn't allow me to. Anyways, he gave me his card and I just emailed him. I'm sure it was so random and ridiculous. I don't really know what I want or how he could help, but I thought maybe he could give me some direction. We'll see.

Today I got a letter in the mail. I'm constantly on the go. Doing this and that for different organizations and friends. But this stopped me today.

"I think you should be a missionary as your life work."

I don't even know what that means or how I would go about doing that. Basically I don't know anything right now. And that scares me.

I'm letting go.

Can you believe sign ups for next year start next week?? I feel like I just got back. SO desperately I want to go back next year (preferably on summer staff). But I just feel like so many things are happening all at once and I can't think clearly. Am I supposed to be there? Am I supposed to be in grad school? Am I supposed to be in ministry? Am I supposed to be anywhere?!


Lord help me because I can't do this on my own.

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." -Matthew 11:28-30

Is it beautiful here?

I have a problem with writing something and then completely erasing it. I'm not really sure why I do that except for fear of letting people see what I'm really feeling. I'm comfortable hiding behind a happy smile, but lets face it.. it's not all smiles all the time.

today was kind of hard. I don't know if it was because I was alone all day or because I was just missing africa a lot or maybe a combination of the two. Either way, I was really wishing I was in the company of somebody who understood.

I was just really wishing my boys could be with me. There's one memory that keeps coming to me and more than anything in this world I wish I could live in that moment forever. It's pretty simple really. I'm walking around the community, both hands being fought over by my boys. And I just look down and they're all smiling at me, pulling me to their homes. Gracious asks, "Auntie Kailee, do you love Kabanana?" I told him yes I love it very much. And then he asked, "Auntie Kailee, do you think it's beautiful here?"

I looked around at the piles of "rubbish", the pot hole filled dirt roads, and the dirty rags people wore as clothes and could have easily said no. But instead my heart saw children filled with joy as they played and sang praises to the Lord. My heart saw mothers who were not only strong in spirit but also physically as they carried their babies on their backs. My heart saw kindness as rocks, buckets, or sacks were given to me so that I could sit and feel at home. My heart saw love as I watched the people interact with each other and with me. And then my heart felt love as my boys clung to me. Hugging me. Loving me.


So yes. It's beautiful. It's the most beautiful place I've ever seen.

I need Africa more than Africa needs me.

So I've tried writing this blog about 5 times now. This one probably wont be my wrap up blog either. I don't know why I don't have any words. I normally don't have any problem writing, but I've definitely had writers block ever since I got back.

Or maybe this trip was just too indescribable. Maybe there aren't words for what I experienced. Maybe I'll never be able to explain what happened to me all the way across the world. But something did happen. My world was flipped. I will never be the same. My heart was stolen and I'm not so sure that I want it back. I think it's needed too much over there.

But seriously, my heart is truly empty without my boys. So desperately I wish I could be with them right now. I can just picture them running up to me and consequently tackling me to the ground because lets face it, 15 to 1 aren't very good odds! But I'll take the bumps and bruises any day of the week to see their smiling faces.

I guess I've been a little down since I've gotten back because now my life feels empty. It doesn't make sense over here. My purpose just seemed so clear while I was in Africa and now I have no clue what I'm supposed to be doing with my life. I needed Africa to feel alive again. People were moving all around me and I just felt at a stand still.

Somebody at work asked me if I completed my mission. They were joking of course, but honestly my answer was no.

Our mission doesn't stop when we get back to the states. God never stops using us. He's given me a heart for the broken. And while yes, the kids in africa are broken, there are people here just as broken. My passion is to help people. God has anointed us to set the prisoners free. The sick are waiting. The homeless are waiting. The poor are waiting. The broken are waiting. So what are you waiting for?

I still don't know where my life is going, but I'm trying really hard to be ok with that. I still don't know if I'll be going back to Africa next year and that kills me. BUT I'm resting in the fact that God has it all figured out.

For now, I'm still praying that God gives me HIS heart for the lost. It's a heavy prayer, but I'm ok with that.

That's where my mission is now.

I left my heart in zambia.

I don't know what else to say except that my heart is anxious tonight. I've just been thinking about my boys and I miss them so much. I would give anything to be with them right now. I would give anything to know what they were doing. I would give anything to know that they are warm. I would give anything to know that they are safe. I would give up my whole world.

God, protect them when I can't.


and give me peace to be ok with that.

chasing the bus

this has been one crazy week for me. let me just say though, the lord was with me the entire time.

so yesterday was shoe day again! this week was much smoother because I was group number 9! (which is by far the best number in the world) so i got in early, although it was a little disappointing because lots of the boys wanted different shoes than what they were given. overall though the ended up happy with the shoes they got. Then we went into the community called Flame Waterfall. ok i've never seen anything like this place. well actually it kind of resembled liberty hill a little because it was just land and farming and crops growing everywhere. but the houses these boys live in is ridiculous. they're literally made out of mud/clay and the roofs were just a bunch of straw tied together. it made my heart drop seeing the conditions they have to live in. No wonder all of them are sick from drinking contaminated water.

I actually got a bit harrassed in the village. we were trying to head back because we were already late and we went through this man's garden wrong and he started yelling at us. then he kept pointing at me saying muzungu this and muzungu that (i obviously only caught the fact that he was calling me a white person). so i have two partners, Moses and Karine. Moses completely left me and went and sat down because he wasn't feeling well and Karine is literally just being a translator. I mean this guy is going on and on about how white people come in saying they help but then they just leave and he started asking for money. Karine just translates everything. I was getting frustrated because she should have just said no i can't give any money nor do i have any! and then all of a sudden the man starts coming toward me making fist motions and Karine translates he wants to fight me. thanks karine i think i figured that one out. Luckily my partner from last week had come so he jumped in and we just walked away.

finally we make it to the bus.. and if i hadn't mentioned before.. my back had been hurting pretty much all day but it was a dull pain so i just kind of brushed it off thinking it was just from being in africa for three weeks now. by this point, i'm actually in a lot of pain but there wasn't anything i could do about it for another hour or so because we were driving around picking up other people. and moses was complaining for enough people so i didn't really want to be another burden. finally when we got back to the villa i just went and lay in my bed. after a while the pain was pretty bad on my left kidney. it was so bad that jodi had to run and go get help. I was given some pain killers and skipped dinner last night just trying to sleep. but apparently everybody at dinner (60+ people) were praying for me so that was really awesome when i was told that this morning. well it was a pretty restless sleep but i woke up feeling a little better. exhausted but better. There was no way i was skipping the last day of camp. although susan thought it would be a good idea to go to the clinic, i just couldn't imagine not being with my kids. so i get to camp and right when my boys see me they come running from all the way across the field! with each hug i gave, more and more energy came to me! It seriously was the power of God because there is no other reason that I would be in less pain much less awake at that point.

my boys are obviously pretty energetic so they want to play tag and futbol and all of these running games. I made it through tag but that was about all i could handle today. I did have to go run and get some advil from jodi because my back was starting to be in pain again. but then when i got to the big room and we're doing the songs and they're getting their bags it was gone!

One thing thats just really cool about the whole experience is how much YOU get out of it. On thursday when you go to their community, you leave the kids there and as you take off, they all are chasing the bus trying to say bye one last time. That's how much of an impact you have in their lives. that's how much they need you. After 4 days of knowing you, they can't stand to part with you. But as they leave camp on friday, it's me who was chasing the bus. That's how much of an impact they have on my life. thats how much I need them. After 4 days of knowing them, I can't stand to part with them.

I got to see Kelvin one last time today. He has actually been sick all week so i haven't seen him much lately, but he came by camp to say bye. He wrote me a letter that was so precious. He said how hard it was for him seeing me here and not getting to be my partner which was cool in a way because it's good to know that the feeling was mutual. i miss him already!

anyways i'm back at the villa now just thinking about leaving in 8 hours. I can say with complete honesty that i'm not ready to go. Yes american food would be soooooo incredibly amazing right now. my mouth is literally watering just thinking of having a good burger. but I would give it all up to stay.

theme for next year: chimwewe. meaning joy. What a sweet blessing to get to teach these kids the joy God's love brings them. it's so perfect.

well i'm still not up to par physically so hopefully I get a little sleep in before we head out in the morning.

bittersweet ending to an amazingly sweet journey.

zonana pa sunday family! (see you on sunday family!)

You're running out of time.

so I haven't updated in a while but thats because I haven't really felt great the past couple days. First my throat was hurting pretty bad that when i would cough it was seriously painful. So i took some emergen-c stuff that helped a lot. well then last night i just was so sick to my stomach. I have no idea why, but i literally went to bed at about 9:15 because i just didn't have the energy to do anything else. today was much better and while i'm still coughing a little, its not so bad.

Ok so i guess i'll start with monday ha since i haven't said anything all week. We get to camp monday and me and my partner are just waiting for the kids to arrive and to be assigned. but one by one all the groups get taken. finally it's just me and and megan waiting for kids. we start looking around and really don't see any kids. they bring the binder over with the rosters and they have our rosters from last week instead of this week which basically meant that they didn't assign us new groups. We're kind of freaking out because i'm just thinking that i wont get a group this week and they had already told one girl that she wouldnt get a group until the next day. finally somebody on staff runs over and is like we need counselors! we have 2 groups of kids!! so obviously me and megan's hands shoot up and say we need kids!! so it was definitely a God thing that i was given this group for whatever reason. oh and by the way they are boys again instead of girls!


**side note.. i only have about 10 min left on my internet card so this blog may end at a random time***

so the first day was hard because since i was the last group given i had no time to get to know them like the other groups. I felt a little defeated in that because I just wanted that connection like i had with my other boys. The next day my boys were still a little quiet but all of a sudden they just opened up and started playing and having fun which was a huge blessing.

today i had the best conversation with one of my partners! His name is Moses and he is 24. He seriously is the most amazing guy ever. it's too long of a convo to say now because I now have about 4 minutes. I will update on that later.


i guess the last thing i will say is my boys were asking me questions today and first they asked if i had babies at home. um no. then they asked if i was married. no. did i at least have a boyfriend? no. i was then told that i needed to hurry because my time is running out! ha thanks boys. So they said i really needed to have kids by december at the latest. since thats not going to be happening they were very sad for me haha

time is really running out though on this internet. i'll try to buy more tomorrow. know i am safe and really not ready to leave. only 2 more full days. :(

So much for sleeping in

well my weekend didn't start out the way I planned! I was woken up at 6:00am saturday morning to banging on our door. It took me a while to realize what it was and then all of a sudden our doorbell started going off (which by the way sounds like a million chirping birds) so I jumped out of bed and ran down the hallway and I could hear people talking outside. Well in my head I thought it was going to be the Utz's coming to say bye since they were leaving so i open the door half asleep saying Utz's! Turns out I was wrong and it was Susan coming to pick up one of the girls in our villa who was leaving that morning and she had overslept! So we help her gather her stuff together so she can catch the bus and go back to bed. I tend to have this problem that when I'm woken up, its very hard for me to fall back asleep so I layed awake in my bed for a little over an hour. Finally I fall back asleep, but around 9 our door randomly opens making a creeking noise so I wake up again. I'm obviously too lazy to get up and shut it so every time the wind would blow it would open and shut making a loud noise. After listening to that for a while I gave up and just decided to be awake.

Yesterday was good though. We went to the arcades to grab lunch and had the most delicious nutella pancake with chocolate ice cream. mmmmm! then we came back home and attempted to do laundry but couldn't find an available washer anywhere and before I knew it, it was already dinner. So we ate dinner and finally started laundry. While doing laundry we watched A Leage of Their Own and ate brownies and popcorn. It was nice and relaxing!

Today was great! We went to church this morning which was so incredibly amazing! I swear the states really need to adopt the Zambian way of church. Somebody said that there is a power in screaming and let me tell you, the zambians have found that power. The message was from Luke 4 and it fit perfectly with what me and one of the girls in my villa were talking about on the way to church. How awesome is our God!

It was pretty much freezing today so the market was kind of miserable, but I got lots of good stuff so I'm excited! After market we went to the Go Center to find out our new partners! I have a girl named Karine so I'm really excited! I'm a little nervous because I've never had girls before so its definitely going to be an experience. I just feel like I click better with guys so I'm really praying that I mesh with my girls this week!

only 5 full days left here. What a sad realization. It's going to be an intense week though. My throat is getting a little scratchy so pray that I'm not getting sick! pretty much everybody here has had some sort of illness or other so i've been pretty lucky so far although i've had a few days that I've been a little sick to my stomach but it passes quickly.

well friends, God commads us to go out and preach His word. So today, go. And when you go, don't get in the way of the miracle God has for you. I love you all and am praying for you from across the world!

The Lord's Supper...Zambian style.

wow. talk about powerful. I've never experienced anything like it! I mean I've participated in the Lord's Supper countless times and never gave it a second thought. Today was different. Today made a difference. Today I felt God's love fill my whole body. We sat in a circle and we listened to Greer read God's intimate love letter that He wrote for us (if you've never heard it, look it up.. its a combination of different verses put together) and it's like it finally hit me the sacrifices He made for us. And I just started crying because I mean come on, he sent his only son, his perfect son who never sinned, to die for us. the sinners. Not only that, but he died a criminals death. He was hung on a tree between two thieves. Hung for all to see. An innocent man, broken. why? Because God loves us. God adores us. God wants to be with us. Jesus was broken so that we may live. It's like I ask my kids each day, could you imagine giving up the only thing you have for somebody who not only doesn't deserve it but mistreats you? No, not in a million years. But God longs to be with you. God longs for you to take His hand. Today I felt Him hugging me. Today I heard Him say "Finally my daughter, I've been waiting for you." And it was the best feeling i've ever felt. I mean don't get me wrong, i've always known He loves me, but not like this. Not this intimately and passionately. Friends, He's waiting for you too.

And then to hear all of my boys around me with their hands raised high, whispering sweet prayers. Their eyes closed so tightly proving how important those prayers needed to be said. Gosh talk about the true definition of child like faith. you hear that expression all the time, but it wasn't until now that i really see what that means. It was the most precious moment.

Today was bittersweet. I loved being the vessel for God, delivering all of the gifts to the boys! They went crazy over just the bookmark and yet they got even more! A backpack, a bible, a pencil, a postcard, a bracelet and more! but having to say bye to them again was so hard. They asked if I would be back next year and I didn't know what to tell them. Even if I wanted to, you can't just promise things like that because they will remember. ahh i hated it. Only God knows if I will ever see them again. But I just can't imagine not seeing them.

Tomorrow is going to be sooooo nice. I get to sleep in! We're going to the Arcades for lunch to a place called Mint. and then the rest of the day is just laundry and movies and cards and brownies!!

oh i forgot to mention that the bubbles were a hit! My boys had a blast trying to catch them. Some got a little confused and tried to eat them haha but we got that all sorted out.

love and miss everybody but having the time of my life here <3

we see them as kids, He sees them as KINGS!!

well I am officially exhausted. (as if i wasn't before) This week has been really great. I don't want my last day to come with my boys. I will miss them soooo much! It would be so great if I could take them all home with me or at least know that they are all sponsored. Even though my partner wasn't Kelvin (who obviously set the bar very very high) I still have had an amazing experience this week. I've been so lucky how much my boys have opened up this year.

Today was a bit stressful because it was shoe day! We were one of the very last groups to get our shoes and had 30 min before we had to leave for the community! And that time included lunch! But even though I was sweating, miserably hot and a little frustrated with some of my boys wanting different shoes, it all worked out and the smiles on their faces were worth all the tears and sweat that went into the day!

After they got their shoes, we went into Kabanana, which is the community they live in. Last year I got to see their school, Tithandizane and the shops. But this year we walked more through the homes. I really wanted to take some pictures because it was truly amazing, but I didn't want to be that disrespectful american taking snaps of the place they have to live. It was incredible to watch my boys stop people walking by and using the evangecube to witness. When the day was over we ended at the CRC (Community Resource Center) and there was a little baby there whose mom had just left i guess. Anyways the little boy started running down the road so I told my boys to turn him back around so obviously he started crying and instictively I just picked him up not even thinking that I was in a different country and this baby doesnt even know me. But I guess it worked because he immediately stopped crying! I guess the african babies love me just as much as american ones :)

My boys really get a thrill of making me say words in Nyanja. They pretty much die from laughter. The taught me how to say sky so I was going to try really hard to remember it so i could tell skye her name in nyanja but I cant remember :( I will have to ask again tomorrow. I think it was something like kabwana or something. If you want to know how to say see you tomorrow it is zonanamailo. I really do wish I could understand everything they are saying. I hate that there is a language barrier. Isn't it crazy that I love them so much but hardly can even understand them? Although Gracious is really good at english. He is my little translator sometimes. Joseph is pretty good to. Some of the other boys can understand me sometimes if i talk really slow but it can't be that complicated.

tomorrow they get a backpack, bible, evangecard, bookmarks, and lots of other great things! It should be a really great day! Then we will go to the Tree of Life Village! that will be really great to see how it has progressed. and then after that we get to sleep in!!! I think that is what I'm most excited about haha! also getting to do laundry. I'm feeling very dirty but what is worse is that I'm too tired to care! oh well!

anyways the end of the week is already here. I have no idea where the time went but it has been truly great.

always remember-- Yesu Akukonda. Yesu Anikonda. God loves you. God loves me. He never stops and he never leaves.

He just called you funky.

well thank you everybody for your prayers. they were definitely heard!

I have to tell you last night i went to bed pretty bitter and not really wanting to be here anymore. Well I woke up around 4:30 or 5 because I kept hearing this music going off. It seriously was going off like every minute or so and it was driving me nuts! Finally I just sat up in bed determined to figure out what where it was coming from. Right when i sat up the sound stopped. So that was it. I was awake. and nobody else seemed to be bothered by it which was weird because Jodi was seriously about 2 inches from me. Finally I decided God wanted me to be awake because I didn't give Him my full attention last night because I was so focused on myself. So that's what I did for the rest of the morning until everybody else woke up. When they did I asked if they heard the sounds but nobody else seemed to know what I was talking about.

Anyways I got to camp this morning and I was greeted with a big hug from Paul! It was good to know that he really does like me! It was truly a blessing. Then the boys arrived and they all ran and jumped on me which was so great! I just love them all so much! Then when we were just singing and playing games, Kelvin came up to me to say hi which was so good to know that he was thinking of me as well. The day seemed to go very smoothly and the boys are opening up so much! At the end of the day Paul got out and danced with me which was fun and he gave me a great big hug before I left!

Also I got to talk to kelvin a bit more today and that was really nice. It was so funy because he saw my aggie ring and he thought it was an engagement ring or something ahah! he was like oh my we have so much catching up to do! Oh he also named me Chikondi which means love or lovely. So thats my new Zambian name.

Well then I shared my struggles and praises today at dinner and afterwards Greer started talking about what I was going through and it really hit home. I mean this is the stuff that I continually pray about! That God puts me in the uncomfortable so that I can grow in Him!! If he hadn't I very well may have ended this tip in a funk because nothing was different. Nothing has changed.


so overall today was a very good day. Continue to keep all of us over here in your prayers!

Lord give me strength.

Today was hard. I'm not going to lie about that.

Obviously yesterday I found out that Kelvin wasn't going to be my partner, but I never expected to feel so devistated. Don't get me wrong, Paul is a very nice guy, but I feel like he is very shy and not so helpful to me when I need him. He will have conversations with the boys and not translate it for me. I'm constantly asking him what it is they are talking about. Yet, in our bible study time he stood outside of the circle and didn't really add anything. I'm just super frustrstated.

I miss Kelvin so much. Just imagine not getting to see your best friend for an entire year and then when you are finally reunited you can't even hang out. It's really just an awful feeling. I go and talk to him as much as I can but that was only about twice today for just a quick hello. I did get to dance with him though after all the kids left and we made our circle of all the counselors to sing. But what is even worse is that a wave of jealousy came over me today because he is somebody else's helper that I know and she gets to see how awesome he is and hang out with him which is all I want to do.

I guess I'm just really struggling with how different everything is this year. Honestly if it weren't for jodi I'm pretty sure I would have broken down already.

I just pray that tomorrow and the rest of the week starts looking up.

I did get 11 of my 15 boys from last year so that is really really exciting! If you know the story of Joseph know now that his arms are healed and he is looking so good! One of my new boys, Gracious, is just adorable. I had one on one time with him today and he really opened up which is surprising for the first day. I wish they knew more english or I more Nyanja. But I am loving the fact that I get to see them again!

no big deal, our bus just ran over a goat.

So we finally made it to camp! We got in later than we thought so we went straight to the informational meeting with all the other american volunteers. It was actually a pretty sad meeting for me because Greer informed us that for the alumni we would not be getting our same partners as last year. If any of you know my story from last year, I absolutely loved my partner. Me and Kelvin seriously became the best of friends. We emailed all throughout the year. Well apparently Greer says that if we give too much attention to the Zambians like that or give them money to go to school or while we're here take them to eat over the weekends that they become boastful toward the other zambians, claiming that the americans love them most. They also stop listening to their bosses and other types of people in authority. I just honestly couldn't picture Kelvin acting like though. He is one of the most humble people I have ever met. But I guess Greer has been doing this longer than me so I should respect his decision, but it makes me sad still.


so anyways I forgot to mention our amazing 7 hour bus ride. It started out with our new friend Neville picking us up at the zambezi sun. (He was the only who drove us to bungee and hung around a bit to make sure we knew what we were doing) so he took us to the bus stop and we of course took a pic with him and wished him the best! We then get on the bus and there is a man in my seat! So we try to be nice and say that its our seat and he basically just said no and kept reading his newspaper. so we just decided to sit across the row but of course that was somebody else's seat so we had to move. I then go back to the man and show him my ticket and he shows me his and sure enough they are both seat 9. The only difference is his was for the day before. When i told him that he didnt really seem to care. So obviously my reaction is just to look at andrew so he can solve this problem for me! He went and talked to the bus driver and got the man another seat and everything was worked out! Well our bus driver was very honk happy. everytime we passed another car, everytime there was a person in the road, everytime an animal was in the road. basically every 30 seconds. there was this one particular time about 4 hours into our trip where he is just honking away and then all of there was a thud. Yeah we definitely hit a goat. and not just a baby goat, yeah it was pretty large. Don't worry the bus was ok though haha

so even though kelvin isnt my partner, i did get to see him today!! it was the sweetest reuinion ever!!!! when i saw him i just sprinted towards him and it was just so good! i really have missed him so much! and i could tell the feeling was mutual. We will have to try to find some time to sneak away and catch up on our lives! it seriously was the best moment so far. I'm really thankful that i got to see him again!

my new partner's name is paul. He is 19 and very nice. He seems a little shy so i am hoping he comes out of his shell tomorrow for our first day of camp. He has never been a partner but always a helper so hopefully all goes well! I know God has purpose in this match so I am really trying hard to believe in that!

Tonight's dinner and ministry project pretty much rocked. the BAG force and the Utz family sat together and pretty much dominated every other table making the necklaces for our kids. Was it a competion you ask? no but naturally we made it one.

well camp starts tomorrow! I'm very excited to see my boys again! today was very good for me. I was feeling a bit frustrated that nothing was the same as it was last year but after church and getting to sing the songs for camp, I really remembered what it's all about. and i obviously know that its going to be nothing like last year but its still going to be amazing!

love and miss everybody <3

Chobe Cats and K Baby

well friends, this is my last night in Victoria Falls. Definitely a bittersweet feeling. This trip has been a trip of a lifetime but I know it will only get better in the next two weeks. But it will also get a lot harder! But the Lord knows I'm ready!!

Let me start off with something I forgot to mention yesterday. At the High Tea, after we walked to the edge of the falls, we were brought back with muddy feet. The Zambians literally got on hand and foot and washed each and every one of our feet. Not just washed them, but did it with such a softness and kindness that only the Lord can give somebody. Zambians have such servant hearts. I long to have a heart like them.

ok so now on to today! It was an early day and a long day! We went on a game tour in Chobe all day long! The beginning of the tour was on boat so we got to see lots of water animals! We were literally 5 feet away from a giant croc! Not just one, but lots and lots! it was unreal! We also saw some hippos and water buffalo. Sadly my camera died right after that so I didn't get to capture the rest of the day! I was going to charge it last night but I think I packed it in my luggage that went straight to lusaka! So pray that I did and didnt leave it at home or else I wont have a camera for all of camp!! Anyways back to the game tour! After being on a boat for a while we ate lunch and then started on jeeps! We saw tons of elephants! They were so amazing! Although when they run they look a bit clumsy! ha! We also saw a pretty big cobra! it followed us when we tried to back away in our jeep slowly! We saw a couple pumbas and timons! and a zazu! (all from the lion king if you dont understand) The last thing we saw were lots of giraffes! They are so graceful and pretty! I think if I could be an animal I would pick a giraffe!

Anyways the whole day was great and the people in my jeep were just amazing! I laughed the entire day! I actually dont know if I've stopped laughing since yesterday. The friends i've made here are truly unforgettable. Especially BAG Force. Sorry you might not understand if you arent here :)

I think the biggest lesson I've learned the whole time being here is this... God is power. God is beauty. He is with you always. He is all around us. If you just sit still and be with Him, you will see Him in all His glory. I have seen Him every second of this trip. It's been the biggest blessing of my life.

Thank you all for the emails you have written! I dont have time to write back unfortunetly because this is a community computer so I have to make my time fast! This also might be my last post for a while because if I want internet at camp I have to pay and I hear it is slow so I havent decided if it is worth it. I guess you all will find out if you see a new blog in the next couple weeks!


love and miss everybody! pray for all of us as we start a new adventure at camp!

two sugars and some cream

today was the best day of my entire life. that is not an exageration my friends!


ok let me just tell you how it all started... first off mackie and andrew went microlighting this morning! if i had more money i would have done it too because it looked so amazing! you basically fly over the falls on this little kite thing with a motor! how awesome! then we went back to the zambezi and ate a light breakfast and headed on over to the bridge. when we got the bridge the power had just gone out which was a bit scary because they told us that they would just manually pull us up after we jumped! luckily for us it went back on and we didn't have to worry about that! we were going to do the package of three (bungee, swing, zipline) but we didnt end up having enough time so all we did was the bungee! it was beyond words!!! i was scared out of my mind!!

so we write down the order that we decided we wanted to bungee in (which was mackie, me, jodi, andrew) and we start getting our harnesses on and all of a sudden they are calling my name!! i was like no you mean mackie! but they kept saying no kailee! that was the beginning of my freak out because i wasn't prepared yet! i thought i still had at least one person's time left! so i'm literally about to cry.. ok so my eyes watered up.. and i keep saying no no no! but they didn't care they just kept strapping me into the equipment! let me tell you i have never experienced that kind of fear in my entire life!! seriously never. so they've finally gotten me to the edge of the bridge with my hands out and they start counting down 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!! and then they pushed me off!! i have a video its probably the most hilarious thing you will ever watch. it's great! such an adrenaline rush!! i can now say i've jumped off of the 2nd highest commercial jump in the entire world! thats a pretty big accomplishment if you ask me!

we also met these really great people from london! they are about our age and the guy jumped with our group! we exchanged names so that if we ever happen to be in london again we can meet up with them! thats what has been so great about this trip is that you just become friends with everybody! it's such a great experience.


after bungee we came back to the hotel and really wanted to play with lions but we previously booked high tea and couldn't get out of it so we just ended up going to high tea. ok best decision of our lives!! it was such an amazing time! we literally walked up to the edge of the falls! like i could look down and see the bottom!! nothing was in between me and the edge!! we also visited the loo with a view! haha it was funny! oh and i found out that i like my hot tea with two sugars and some cream. very tasty!

so much stuff has happened but i cant remember the half of it! i'm having such an incredible time here and making such good friends. i feel truly blessed to be where i am!!

tomorrow is our last full day. we have a game tour that lasts for most of the day i'm told. then saturday morning at 6am we head back to lusaka on our 7 hour bus ride!! but camp will be so worth it! i can't wait!! this trip is going by way too fast!


love and miss everybody

Elvis left the building.. and went to zambia!!

our first full day in vic falls has been absolutely incredible! the falls are beyond words. indescribable. they beauty of it all is breath taking. and can you believe that God created them and then said something is still missing! that is true love my friend.

so we started our day with breakfast which was soo tasty! then we signed up for all our activities and exchanged some money into kwacha. after that we hiked down to the boiling pot which is the very bottom of the falls. that's how we met elvis! he was our tour guide :) what a life! seeing the falls everyday! anyways we hiked down with the Utz family. we absoutely love them! heck we love everybody! it's so great how much of a family we have become. of course the ones i've been doing everything with, aka the team, as mackie would call us is me, jodi, andrew and mackie. it's absolutely perfect! 2 longhorns and 2 aggies! ha!

so our hike down was awesome. very tiring though haha! we went and just soaked in the beauty of it all from the bottom. then when we climbed back up we ran into a pack of baboons!! there were so many of them! i was a little scared i'm not going to lie! finally we passed them and then walked across the bridge at the top and got soaking wet but completely worth it!!! so great! on our way back to the zambezi sun another baboon was coming our way down the path and let me tell you it was the biggest monkey i have ever seen!! ah! when it passed each of us it looked us up and down trying to figure out if we had any food i'm sure!

after that we went on the sunset cruise which was beautiful! everybody would be proud because i ate the food without much hesitation and it was actually pretty good! the little chocolate balls for dessert were delicious! i also tried an african beer which was ok but i cant remember the name of it now.

anyways we just got back to the hotel and we're all just talking and hanging out. i love my new family. we all mesh so well! and the team is pretty incredible! its crazy how fast you can connect with people. it definitely wouldnt be the same without any of them!

this trip has been worth it! i can't believe all the things i've seen so far and its only day 1.

oh my gosh i can't believe i forgot about Lovemore! that was our waiter on the sunset cruise! what an awesome name!! we all loved him so much!


well tomorrow is jam packed with activities so i'm sure ill tell you all about them after! (if i survive!)


i love and miss everybody!

The LONG trip to africa

FINALLY we made it!!! i have never been more exhausted in my life! I of course didn't sleep on the plane ride to London because Jodi and I were surrounded by 3 screaming babies the entire way. London was fun but if I ever do this again I will be getting a Yotel and sleeping. We were falling asleep on the tube into london which isnt a good sign! The plane to Lusaka was a little better. I took more sleeping pills to make sure I actually slept and I would say I got a good 3 or 4 hours...on a 10 hour flight. One thing is for sure, plane food is awful.

so after we finally made it to the lusaka airport we were bused to the bus station. yes i know that sounds silly (which by the way that word is an insult here) The bus ride was very very interesting. getting off the first bus to get on the second bus was intimidating. there were all these people beating on it to get our attention so we would come on their bus. luckily for us we have a guy to protect us! we were a bit nervous. we tried going to the restroom before we got on the bus but you had to pay and then when we did we couldnt figure out how to use them. how can they be that complicated you ask? trust me, they can. so we left on our 7 hour bus ride. the ride itself wasnt that bad. i think i slept more on the bus than the plane rides put together. we stopped a couple times for us to go to the restroom and we took advantage of it once. definitely a crazy experience. then when we got off we were bombarded with people wanting us to take their cab into the falls. again we were glad to have a guy to handle all the talking.

finally we made it to zambezi sun. it is incredibly beautiful. we've already seen a baboon, zebras and giraffes. i'm pretty scared of those baboons. we've heard some pretty brutal stories! anyways we're so tired and finally clean so the only logical thing to do now is sleep! we have free internet here at the falls so i will try to update again!

miss everybody but loving being in africa <3

the final days

where has the time gone?

my to do list is growing and the days are shrinking!

I don't think it has hit me yet that this is real ha. It probably wont until I step foot on african soil! I will admit I'm getting a little nervous though!

thoughts running through my head:
What if I don't recognize my boys? What if I don't get Kelvin as a partner? What if some of my boys aren't there? What if my new partner and I don't click the way me and Kelvin did? what if something is different? What if I hate it? what if what if what if??

my heart is anxious.

but I know God has already written my story and I can't wait to read it!

perfect timing

God's timing is so perfect!

a week and a half until I leave for africa and I am debt free!! WHOOP! It feels so good knowing I earned this money like I wanted. Yes it was hard. Yes it took forever. Yes this job is frustrating. But the Lord is so faithful and the money is finally here!!


"Your steadfast love, O Lord, extends to the heavens, Your faithfulness to the clouds."
-Psalm 36:5

How are you?

"Today I have cancer, but on the other hand, I'm alive. So I guess I'm great."
-Farrah Fawcett



She said that just about a month ago. What a way to look at life. I wish it didn't take terrible heartache for people to think like this. Life is so precious and yet we spend our time angry over the smallest things. I know that's something I struggle with, but I'm definitely working on it.


"Yeah. Right now, I am great. My life goes on, and so does my fight. And oh, by the way, how are you? What are you fighting for?"



We're all fighting for something, right? It may not be against cancer, but that doesn't make it any less important. So, don't give up. The fight is worth it. And friends, if you ever get discouraged, just look up because you're never alone. He will never leave you.


So, how am I?

Well, today I did feel alone, but I was loved by my sweet Father. So I'm more than great.

He loves you.

so today at sunday school we talked about abraham and how he was willing to sacrifice his only son to show his faithfulness and love for God. It reminded me of our theme verse for our kids this summer.
It's a very well known verse, John 3:16.

sometimes i think that verse is overlooked a lot. You know what I mean? It's memorized and that's kind of it. But this verse is so HUGE. This verse has so much meaning.

"For God so loved the world that He gave his only son..." HIS ONLY SON. God is willing to give the ultimate sacrifice because He wants to be with us. Because He loves us, and we don't even deserve it.

what are we willing to sacrifice? not much, huh. Can you honestly say you would give up a child, a family member, a friend? How about a car, a phone, school? No, and He is the one who deserves it.


But these kids in Africa, they need to hear this. They need to know that they are not alone. They need to know they are loved. They are loved so much and nobody on this earth can match that love. Gosh, if I could just grab each of their faces and just say, "God loves you. He loves you, He loves you, He loves you. and He'll never stop. never." It's that simple. You don't have to do anything. Honestly, because you can't.




What a sweet lesson. What a sweet gift. Let me tell you, there is somebody in your life that needs to hear this. It doesn't have to be an orphan in Africa or somebody in a third world country. People forget this all over the world. Maybe it's your neighbor, your best friend, your teacher, your coworker, or maybe it's you. Heck, I know it's me.



so my dear friend, God loves you. He loves you, He loves you, He loves you. and He'll never stop. never.

my promise

I'm so exhausted from working. I haven't had a day off since my birthday. my feet hurt. my back hurts. my clothes kind of smell from lack of time to wash them (don't judge, you know you've been there too). I almost over slept today, but was able to wake up and get dressed and be out the door in 15 minutes. my body is telling me to stop.

why am i doing this to myself? funny you ask. When i first decided to go back to Africa, I had this desire to earn my money this year. Well i soon started sending out donation letters and that desire quickly faded and laziness set in. Wouldn't it just be easier if the money was given to me? Again, God laughed at me just a little (as He does often) and reminded me of my desire to earn the money by getting those letters lost in the mail, sent back, and a few forgotten about all together. frustrating? yes. Instead of remembering my promise to earn the money, I got angry. Was this God's way of telling me I wasn't supposed to go back? But my heart longed to be there! The passion I have for Africa is so much I can hardly contain it. In the midst of my anger, God quietly spoke to me. Remember your promise? Remember the desire you had to earn your money? I'm not going to lie, I was a bit ashamed I had forgotten.

So yes, I'm tired. Yes, I'm worn in and beat up. Yes, I smell a little. But when this is all over with, when the money is finally in, the reward will be that much sweeter.


I want to be like this guy: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IpVsF4W8V2Y

nikukonda africa

just 3 1/2 short weeks until I leave. I'm pretty sure it's the only thing that I can think about these days. I honestly don't care about anything else. Is that a bad thing?

I thought of a funny story today about my boys (of course!)

So one day we were lined up in the main room waiting for Greer to start and all of a sudden they're jumping all over me, obviously really excited about a discovery they just made. They ask, "Auntie Kailee you're 20 right??" After I said yes they grabbed my hand and put it in the guy next to me's hand and with huge grins all across their faces they said, "you're 20 and Adam is 20! You will get married and have babies!" it was the funniest thing in the entire world because they were so certain they had found my future husband for me! Awkwardly I hadn't even met the guy because he was so quiet I usually talked to the guys on my other side! So in the midst of my boys playing match maker, I introduced myself to Adam, my future husband.


another story of how amazing my boys are:

So it was the day we got to go on the buses to visit the village that our kids were from. My boys went to a school called Tithandizane, which was in a village that was pretty rough. Well, I don't really know what the problem was with the buses, if there just wasnt enough going to Tithandizane or what, but my group was going to have to be split among a few buses in order to fit. So me and Kelvin put some of our kids on the first bus and start looking for another one when all of a sudden we realize we had all of our boys again. We find another bus and again try to fit some of our kids on this bus, but when they realized that we weren't coming with them they literally were jumping out of the windows to get off. At this point, I was getting frustrated because all of the buses were filling up and NONE of my boys were on them! We were running through all of the buses and I was being pulled by my boys so that I couldn't leave them! Eventually we found an empty bus that got to take all of us to Tithandizane together!

Well I obviously stuck out like a sore thumb when we got to the village, but let me tell you, I was SO completely protected by my guys and Kelvin! There was one time when we walked by a tavern (kind of like a bar) and there were a bunch of guys sitting outside of it. Well the guys started yelling things at me in nyanja and my boys literally formed a circle around me and started yelling things back, which I couldn't understand, but it was the cutest thing how protective they were! We then went to a "store" but really it was just big enough for one maybe two people to stand in. Kelvin went in and I stayed out with our boys, but I guess they didn't like the fact that I was out there without Kelvin so before I knew it they had pushed me inside the store too! ha!

side note: this year when I go in the village I will remember to take my name tag off. Kelvin failed to mention to me that the way my name is spelled is pronounced ka-i-lee which means somebody who has been to prison.

The greatest email I've ever gotten

So I just got an email from my partner, Kelvin! It was short but sweet! here it is:

Howde kailee

How u doing,i believe that God is guiding ya, as for me am doin fine although i have been busy with field work and camplife has started i jst cant wait to see the guys we had.i once met joseph and he is fine,he was very happy to see me.He was saying hi to u.I jst wanted to say hi,see u soon kailee


obviously his english is a little choppy, but still understandable! I can't believe he saw Joseph and that he wanted to say hi to me!! what great encouragement! I'm so ready!!

5 weeks.

exactly 5 weeks until africa. I can't hardly believe it.

I feel like it's the only thing that is on my mind, but it still doesn't seem real that I get to go back. I just miss my boys so incredibly much! it's so crazy knowing that it's been a whole year since I've seen them! I bet they've grown so much since then! What if I have trouble recognizing them?!

Last time I left Africa my heart was broken. It was the hardest thing in the entire world to leave and I didn't want to do it knowing that my baby boys were still there and still living in the conditions that they were. It just wasn't fair that these precious children were having to grow up so fast. That they've had to experience things beyond their 15 years. I was definitely still learning as I left because it took all of me to remind myself that I wasn't leaving them alone. We taught them about peace and how the Lord is their shepherd, so why was it so hard for ME to remember that?? Why was it so hard for me to believe that God had His strong arms over each and every one of them?? I was forced to have complete and 100% faith that God was taking care of my boys. Let me tell you, that wasn't a pretty piece of cake for me to do. If you know me at all, you know that I like to be involved and that's how I know things are working out right, by being in the middle of it. In this situation, I obviously couldn't do anything. It was the worst feeling. I felt so helpless and so hopeless.

But I know God is so good and He is taking care of them when I can't.


I'm also really excited to get a new group of kids! Secretly, I want little girls. But we all know from last year that God is going to give us what He thinks we should have! Last year I picked little boys 6-9 yrs old. I then decided to tell God that if I didn't get this age group that I would just not know what to do with myself. I had to have what I wanted. Well, God definitely laughed at me at that point and then decided to give me 10-15 yr old boys. and He gave me 15 of them. I was scared out of my mind, but each and every one of those boys was hand picked for me.

especially Joseph.

now I know you aren't supposed to pick favorites, but if I did, Joseph would definitely be mine. Let me just tell you when Joseph stole my heart. I had first met my boys and found out that none of them spoke english and was kind of freaking out. I then had to write my group number on all of their wrist bands, but when I got to Joseph, he says, "Auntie Kailee, Auntie Kailee, I don't have one!" Just as soon as those words came out, his eyes grew huge and he covered his mouth. He had just revealed his secret, he knew english! We laughed and he soon became my little helper.

something I realized after I left that just made me realize how awesome God is, is that I wasn't even supposed to have Joseph! He didn't get a wrist band from his school and technically wasn't even supposed to be at camp. He was taken away from me in the very beginning before I even knew who he was, but he made his way back before the day was over! My sweet Joseph was meant to be mine. His story was meant to be heard by me. It broke my heart.

the moment I knew I had to come back:
It was the very last day of camp, my boys were getting on the buses to leave. I had already been crying because of some pretty devistating news about Joseph, but he grabbed my face with both hands and looked me in the eyes and said, "I'll see you next year Auntie Kailee, I'll see you next year." He got on the bus and opened the window. I grabbed his hands and kept telling him how much I loved him. He turned his head so that I wouldn't see him wipe the tears from his face. He was trying to be so strong.

I knew then my story wasn't over here. I didn't know when it would be, but I knew it wasn't yet.

some pics to enjoy :)

I've just really been thinking about Africa a lot today and really CANNOT wait to be back! So I thought it would be fun to reminisce with some pictures and videos from last year :)

finding my joy

goodness gracious where has the time gone?

I really couldn't tell you. but one thing i do know is that school ends tomorrow, my birthday is just around the corner, and then i leave for africa a little over a month after that! crazy? yes.


well let me tell you my life has been a whirlwind this past month. In the past month, I have become discipleship chair, gotten my aggie ring, and decided i have absolutely no idea what i want to do with my life.

so where do i go from here? that's a really good question. one i don't have an answer for. Something God is constantly teaching me is that I don't have all the answers and my plans are nothing. well i'm kind of freaking out because i'm still not too good at remembering that. so currently, i can't get into my last english and spanish class this summer, didn't get into a class i need next semester and i feel like i'm falling behind more and more.


breathing.


buuuuuutttt i shouldn't say this month has been bad because that is NOT the case at all! God has brought me so much JOY lately through opportunites that have been given to me! i love seeing Him work in my life and in all my friends lives! sooo amazing :)


life is unpredictable. i wouldn't want it any other way.

back to the basics

I think sometimes we forget what it's all about. you know, we get caught up in the money and the clothes and shots and everything else that goes into a mission trip, but what is it all about?

it's not about me at all.

it's about the kids that get to go to camp. it's about the kids getting breakfast, lunch and a snack every day. it's about the new shoes that get put on their feet for the first time in years. it's about the jackets they got last year to keep them warm through the cold nights and the backpacks they will get this year that has their very own Bible in it.

It's about the kids learning that somebody loves them. somebody cares about them so much that their cups have overflown.

It's about the smiles on their faces when they find out that the Lord is their shepherd. That He will never NEVER leave them. It's the joy in their eyes when we give them a chance to forget about their world of pain and hurt and just get to play and be kids again.


James 1:27 says "Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."



Gosh. to keep oneself from being polluted by the world. talk about hard. the world pollutes us every single day. the world is telling me right now that I'm running out of time to get my money in. time? really? do you think God really runs on our time? days, hours, minutes... none of that means anything to Him. We're talking about a God that created the ENTIRE UNIVERSE in 6 days. If that doesn't blow your mind then i don't know what will.

maybe this money won't come in MY time and in my plan, but i don't want it to. God's plan and God's timing is perfect and I will wait on the Lord and I will worship while I wait.

The Beginning

So technically this is the second beginning, but who is really counting.

As you can see.. this is my blog for Africa. I wrote in a journal last year, but I didn't even start until I was already in Johannesburg (two hours away from Zambia). But obviously the journey starts way before I even leave American soil.

I thought I would start off by adding some pictures from last year. I hope you enjoy them as much as I do :)