Is it beautiful here?

I have a problem with writing something and then completely erasing it. I'm not really sure why I do that except for fear of letting people see what I'm really feeling. I'm comfortable hiding behind a happy smile, but lets face it.. it's not all smiles all the time.

today was kind of hard. I don't know if it was because I was alone all day or because I was just missing africa a lot or maybe a combination of the two. Either way, I was really wishing I was in the company of somebody who understood.

I was just really wishing my boys could be with me. There's one memory that keeps coming to me and more than anything in this world I wish I could live in that moment forever. It's pretty simple really. I'm walking around the community, both hands being fought over by my boys. And I just look down and they're all smiling at me, pulling me to their homes. Gracious asks, "Auntie Kailee, do you love Kabanana?" I told him yes I love it very much. And then he asked, "Auntie Kailee, do you think it's beautiful here?"

I looked around at the piles of "rubbish", the pot hole filled dirt roads, and the dirty rags people wore as clothes and could have easily said no. But instead my heart saw children filled with joy as they played and sang praises to the Lord. My heart saw mothers who were not only strong in spirit but also physically as they carried their babies on their backs. My heart saw kindness as rocks, buckets, or sacks were given to me so that I could sit and feel at home. My heart saw love as I watched the people interact with each other and with me. And then my heart felt love as my boys clung to me. Hugging me. Loving me.


So yes. It's beautiful. It's the most beautiful place I've ever seen.