How will you take part?

"Yet we are the carriers of the gospel-the good news that was meant to change the world. Belief is not enough. Worship is not enough. Personal morality is not enough. And Christian fellowship is not enough. God has always demanded more. When we committed our lives to following Christ, we also committed to living in such a way that a watching world would catch a glimpse of God's character- His love, justice, and mercy- through our words, actions, and behavior." -Richard Stearns, President of World Vision and author of The Hole in Our Gospel

In my office, I was able to pick a verse to go on my wall and this is the one I chose:

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season, we will reap, if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9


Every day when I walk in my office I will be reminded that NO MATTER how hard it gets, no matter how frustrated I become, I will never stop what I am doing. Because if I do, who then, will tell the kids all about their loving and powerful Savior?

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believed, to the Jew first and also to the Greek." Romans 1:16


we were not meant to be quiet missionaries. Live your life out loud. Let Christ exude from your actions. Let the world see Christ rather than yourself. That's the point. Do you see? We do good because Christ was good. We take care of others because Christ took care of others. We share the gospel because that's what Christ did.

How will you take part? This new year I ask each of you to think about partnering with me as I continue my work at Family Legacy. Monthly gifts of $10, $25, or $50 are such a blessing. If you can't support monthly, but still want to give, one-time gifts are so appreciated. Follow this link to see my support page:
href="https://donate.familylegacy.com/sslpage.aspx?pid=382"

Your gifts not only make a difference in my life, but they make an eternal impact in the lives of the over 2,000 children that are in our sponsorship program. Without you, I wouldn't be able to be directly involved in their lives.

Thank you to those who have already taken part prayerfully or financially. You have blessed me more than you know!

Because I'm grateful, grateful, so grateful.

Every year in Zambia we are able to give tennis shoes to all the kids in our groups. It's been such a blessing to my boys who will come back the next year wearing the same shoes I gave them the year before. These shoes mean the world to them. They may be the only pair they've ever had in their entire lives. Most of them wear these plastic slip on sandals instead because they are more affordable.

Week 7 of camp this year, we were finding that there was a shortage of the middle aged boys shoes. Exactly the sizes I would be needing. We had a back up plan though, somebody had donated thousands upon thousands of crocs. Now, to Zambians, crocs are considered cheap. They are made of plastic, just like the shoes they wear because they can't get anything better. Because we didn't have enough tennis shoes, we had to mix the crocs and shoes that week. Meaning, one kid in your group may get air forces and the next get a nice pair of bright blue crocs. This caused a lot of grumbling, crying, pouting, arguing, and flat out bad attitudes. The kids had forgotten that these shoes were a GIFT from God. They began to expect the shoes rather than be thankful for something that was given to them.

Finally, it was my turn to give shoes. My boys were so excited and one by one I was able to give them ALL air force ones. It was amazing. Until Alick. He unfortunately had the smallest feet of my group and they didn't have his size. When I gave him the crocs, he smiled from ear to ear and ran to go show off his new shoes. What a relief. Only one boy had to get crocs, but it seemed to be turning out just fine.

When we went outside and everybody was inspecting each others shoes, Alick realized he was the only one with the plastic shoes. All of a sudden he began to complain that his shoes didn't fit him and he needed a new pair. My heart broke for him because I wanted so badly to give him what he wanted, but I knew that I couldn't do that. So I reminded him that these shoes were hand picked for him and that they are the perfect fit.

Right before we loaded the buses to head into the communities, Alick came up to me and apologized for not liking his shoes. He said, "I love them! God gave me shoes and they were a gift. They are good to me!" I hugged him so tightly and praised Jesus for Alick's amazing attitude. We spent the rest of the afternoon evangelizing to the people of their communities and when we were done, again Alick came to tell me something. He said, "My friends made fun of me for having plastic shoes today, but I told them that I loved them! They may not be good for them, but they are so good for me. God gave me these shoes and so I love them!"


What an example. He may not have gotten the "best" shoes according to the standards of others, but he knew that his were absolutely meant for him. I know God gave them to Alick for a reason. He humbly accepted his gift and appreciated his shoes for the blessing that they were. In turn, every single one of my boys were taught a lesson of gratitude.


Hezekiah Walker says it well:

I am grateful for the things that You have done
I am grateful for the victories we've won
I could go on and on about your works
Because I'm grateful, grateful, so grateful just to praise You Lord.

This little light of mine.

This weekend I was inspired.

On Thursday, I was inspired by Chuck Madden. I've known Chuck since June and from day 1 I knew God had ordained us to meet. He has taught me so much more about what our relationship with Christ should look like than any other person. I am inspired through his actions. Yearly, he reads through the entire Bible. Daily, he memorizes scripture. He taught me that it isn't a matter of if you can or cannot, but rather if you do or do not want to. So, I choose to do it. I choose to push myself to know more about God because I want to and because I can.

On Friday, I was inspired by a man from Liberia, Olu Menjay. He said everyday his mission is to try. Olu has overcome obstacles far more terrifying than neither you nor I could ever imagine. The fate of his life rested on his answer to one question. Was he related to Harrison Menjay? As divine intervention would have it, the guard knew his father and was set free because of the good man his father was. He has gone back to Liberia after getting an education in the states and has helped get Ricks Institute to be the brightest light in primary and secondary education in all of Liberia.

Saturday morning, I was inspired by the yellow and orange trees, I was inspired by the crisp November air, and I was inspired by the peacefulness of the lake. That morning I was able to rest and relax in presence of God's beauty. It was an overwhelming thought that God planned that exact morning just for me. He ordered His most vibrant colors and the most perfect temperature just for me. I didn't have my camera with me, but I'm convinced that a photo wouldn't have done it justice at all.

Saturday evening, I was inspired by a woman named Georgia. I spoke to her about Zambia and the precious little babies that are just yearning to know the love of Jesus by His faithful servants who heard the calling and accepted. She listened to my whole speech and I could see in her eyes that she got it. But then she surprised me. She told me that she wished she could go, but she knew that God had already called her to take care of her parents who need 24/7 attention. As we talked, I reminded her that God will reward her for her obedience and what she is doing is very much a mission. She then went on to reveal to me that she can never be a mom, but that she works for a daycare and has 15 little 3 year olds in her class. How obvious it was, God has already made her a mom! She has 15 little cuties that she gets to take care of everyday! I told her I had 15 kids too, in Zambia. I was inspired by Georgia's faithfulness and obedience.

Later last night, I was blessed to see Addison Road and Shane and Shane perform. I was inspired by the harmony of Shane and Shane's voices. How perfectly they fit together. I was inspired by the LIGHT that Addison Road so brightly shines as they spoke about their belief that we are all called to reach out and do something.


All of these people are following God's plan. They shined their lights out to others and I know for a fact that I am not the only one who has been impacted by them. That is what it's all about.

"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden...In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven." Matthew 5:14,16


This Little Light by Addison Road. Listen and be inspired too.

You have been called.

"Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John, and perceived that they were uneducated, common men, they were astonished." Acts 4:13

We, much like Peter and John, are uneducated, common men. We have no title or ranking. We have no birth rights making us superior to others, but do we not see Peter's example? So how can we ever give the excuse that we couldn't possibly speak up when proclaiming God's name to others? How could we possibly think that it's not important to step up in boldness? How could we possibly think that it's ever ok to not share the truth we know?

So here's the truth. There are a million children orphaned in Zambia right now. They're living without homes, food, clothes, and parents. That's one million little hearts that have been broken because they have been abandoned and forgotten about. Do you hear?

Here's even more truth. Those kids, the ones that the rest of the world discarded, God has a plan for them. They are heirs to His kingdom. They are royalty by blood-- The blood Jesus shed because God so boldly loved us.

Friends, you have been called.

"Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit." Matthew 28:19

It is written, every single one of you has been called. So be bold. Step out. Speak up. Gather friends. Reach others. Love fully. Answer the calling.

Our works verify our faith.

"God is not man, that He should lie, or a son of man, that He should change His mind. Has he said, and will He not do it? Or has He spoken, and will He not fulfill it?" Numbers 23:19


This week I'm learning a lot about faith. I just joined an "organic" community group at Watermark. It's organic because we put it together ourselves. Whoop for meeting new friends through the summer and coming together to keep each other accountable. We decided to start our group off by reading through the book of Acts. What better way to dig down deep? Anyways we're up to chapter 3, but something in 2 really struck a chord with me.

2:37-- "Now when they heard this they were cut to the heart."

To give you some context, Peter is preaching to the people who have gathered together. He spoke of Jesus and the promise He has for the people who believe in the One who sent Him. He spoke of the people who denied Him and crucified Him. Finally, their ears were opened and they were burdened with what they had done. The Bible says they were cut to the heart. Other versions say they were pricked in heart, and even that their hearts were pierced.

What did it take? It took Jesus dying and then Peter, who had denied Jesus in the past, to speak publicly about Christ.

As for me, what will it take? Jesus already died for me. I already know the Truth He came to share. Shouldn't this be the part where my heart is pierced? Shouldn't I be repenting right now? Instead, I continually crucify Christ when I don't believe that He can take care of me. Or how about when I cling to what little money I do have and give the excuse of I need it to pay bills. So what, maybe I do. Oh ye of little faith. Have I forgotten that God blesses those that lend to the poor? I need to stop hiding behind the excuse that I am the poor. Look at what the Bible says next:

2:45--"And they were selling their possessions and belongings and distributing the proceeds to all, as any had need."

That's it. They figured it out. They have faith in God and their actions reflect that faith. They need nothing else.

This morning at church, I heard something that resonated with me. Listen here, if you wait until your schedule clears to help others or until you have enough money to give some away, you'll always be waiting. God WILL provide.

Trust Him and show your faith.

There will be chills.

so this past week it's been all banquet all the time. Getting to work at 9am and staying past 11. Why?

All for the Glory of God.

This banquet is not about me. It's not about staff or the things we have done to put it together. It's about God and the love He has for His children. It's about taking care of them. It's about being God's hands when my boys need a hand to hold. It's about being His feet when they need a friend to race them. It's about being His arms to carry the sacks of food He freely gives.

The stories that will be told at this banquet are going to be mind blowing. Greer likes to keep things a surprise, but from what I do know, I'll tell you this: There will be chills.

And so in anticipation of Saturday night I'll leave you with a short story of my boys. It's just a sweet story of their love for me. As we're in the communities, sometimes we have to jump big rocks and over holes and through some bushes. Now, if you're Zambian this is no big deal. They fly over the holes with the all the ease in the world. But if you're American.. sometimes it's not so easy. It takes a running start to jump rocks. It takes extra effort to climb them. And it takes a few more hands to find the path through the bushes. Praise Jesus I have boys who love me to death because I think every time we came up to a hole all of them stopped to help me over it. I think all of them were willing to push me up hills. Every single one of them helped me balance when walking on narrow paths.

As much as I try to take care of them, they are doing the exact same thing for me. Oh my heart. It breaks to not be with them, but I know that the reunion will be even sweeter than before!

Find your Calcutta.

This very minute, it is the middle of the night for my precious boys. I wish I could say they were tucked into their comfy beds, with a mother's love warming their bodies from the room next door. But the truth is, they don't have beds. The truth is, the don't have houses big enough to have rooms. The truth is, the don't have mothers.

The first time I met them, back in 2008, they were what we call "the walking dead." They were lifeless. Their eyes were empty and hollow. BUT I knew that I was sent there that year to show them the life they were always meant to have. They didn't trust me at first because they had no reason to. Nobody in their entire lives had ever taken the time to earn their trust. So I started from the beginning. And I poured every ounce of love onto them until I was physically and emotionally exhausted. In return, I got hugs that were so tight that my insides were undoubtedly squished. I held hands for so long that I had to run along side of the bus because they wouldn't let go as they were leaving. I got tears from young men who were taught to never show emotion.

Year by year I kept going back because the Lord kept telling me His work wasn't done. I became employed by Family Legacy this year because He needed me to give more than just a few weeks to the place He has called me to.

This year when I asked my boys what they wanted to be when they grow up, do you know what they said? They wanted to work for Family Legacy too. I've loved these boys for 2 full years now, but God, He's loved them for an eternity. He only used me to be a tangible image of that love. And now there is an evident glow deep inside each of their souls that radiates out to others as they shine the Light.


Mother Teresa dedicated her life to the people that the rest of the world has forgotten about. She cared for the lepers and the widows and the destitute in Calcutta. She gave her life to Christ, and therefore devoted her life to the people who have been outcasted by worldly standards.

She always said, "Calcuttas are everywhere if only we have eyes to see. Find your Calcutta."


Friends, go seek your own Calcutta. It may be across the world, or maybe just across the street. Go and pursue it.

Oh, my child.

I've officially been in the real world for 2 1/2 months now. On one hand it seems like the summer flew by, but on the other hand it feels like years ago that I was in school. I think since I moved up to Dallas right after I graduated and started work, I was forced to change my mindset as a college student to real world very quickly.

But let me tell you, my real world is incredible. In my world, I get to stare at the faces I fell in love with in Zambia everyday. In my world, I get to help them get sponsored. In my world, I get to work with people who actually understand where my heart is, because their hearts are there too.

Finally, Africa isn't just a summer trip. I don't have to think about homework, tests, meetings and papers first. Africa is now first. Joseph, Gracious, Steven, Brian, Lyson, Blessings, Peter, Chrispin, James, Matthew, Alick, Alex, Francis, Smart and Anold are first. The children at the Tree of Life Village are first. The Community Resource Centers are first. Christ at the center of all of these things is first.

On the last day of camp my baby boy, Joseph, looked at me with all the longing in the world. He said, "Please, Auntie Kailee, promise me that you won't forget about me." Oh my child, how could you not know that I think about you everyday? How could you not know that I love you with every ounce of me? Don't you know that you mean everything to me? Don't you know that I will NEVER forget you?

But then that made me think. We're all a little like Joseph. Daily, the Lord pours His love out on us and yet we question whether or not He will remember us tomorrow. I didn't understand how Joseph could doubt my devotion toward him, but it became an all too familiar feeling when I later asked God the same question. He answered me, "Oh my child, how could you not know that I think about you everyday? How could you not know that I love you with every ounce of me? Don't you know that you mean everything to me? Don't you know that I will NEVER forget you?"


"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, nor angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow-not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below-indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

Our actions betray our testimony.

"And let us not grow weary of doing good for in due season we will reap if we do not give up." Galatians 6:9

"For you were called to freedom, brothers. Only do not use your freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another." Galatians 5:13

"Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness." Phil 2:5-7


Over and over the Bible tells us how we should behave. Over and over we repeat those words to others. Over and over we forget those words pertain to ourselves as well.

Our actions betray our testimony.

If we don't have actions to back up our words, what good is our word?

"But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves. For if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he is like a man who looks intently as his natural face in a mirror. For he looks at himself and goes away and at once forgets what he was like." James 1:22-24


This is a call to action. We know what we're supposed to do, now let's act on it. Don't worry about what you can't do, but be faithful about what you can.

You were given a week, what did you spend it on? What will you spend next week on?

A boy who lives up to his name.

Let me tell you about a boy who stole my heart over a year ago. His name is Gracious. One look at his face and you can't help but light up inside. When I close my eyes, I can see him running up to me with a giant smile, wearing his cute little checkered button down shirt and his arms spread open wide, ready for a bear hug. When he agrees with what you're saying, he answers in his precious voice, "yeah sure." He has been my little translator for the boys who don't know English for two summers now and he is always the one who jumps the highest when dancing to our songs.

Last year Gracious lived with his Auntie and Uncle so when I asked him how home was I wasn't expecting much of a change. But then he told me that he moved back in with his mom. I asked him why and as he hung his head, he looked at me with deep sorrow in his gorgeous brown eyes and said, "because, it's better if we suffer together."

Gracious. A boy who lives up to his name. He gave up a life where he was able to get by for a life where he has absolutely nothing. A life where he has MAYBE one meal a day. A devastated life. A life where he has no reason to smile, but because he knows the Lord loves him, he does. And he shares that smile with his mom, who can't afford to send her child to school. He shares it with the men who daily chase him away since he hasn't paid. He shares it with friends, strangers, and store keepers.

He shares it with me.

Every memory I have of Africa this year ends with this thought: I am honored to have gotten to spend the past three years LEARNING from the most beautiful and gracious souls I've ever met.

Well done good and faithful servant.

So the trip is over. After 40 hours of travel time and 2 weeks in one of my favorite places in the entire world, I've made it back home. The time flew by so quickly that it feels like I never even left.

I've been asked in my three years, which one has been my favorite. As I think about it, it's hard to choose one because in all three I've learned something new and have grown so much. 2008 was my first experience. My mind was blown about God's protection and guidance for me. My whole life I thought I was the one in control of my life but I realized that my purpose in life is to live for Him. I am His child and He has anointed me to go and proclaim the good news to the nations. In 2009, I was in need of a much gentler message. He wrapped me in His arms and abundantly poured out His love on me. I was reminded that He would never leave me. No matter what, He is always there for me. I never have to worry about being good enough for Him or whether or not my mistakes will make Him eventually turn His back. All He wants is our faith and in return He has given us life. And now 2010. This time I learned about JOY. When I think back on my time in Africa, instantly a smile is covering my face. But what I think is the greatest is that this has been my theme throughout the year. There is no greater joy on this earth then what God can bring us. And with that comes strength.

Focus on your giants, you fall.
Focus on God, your giants fall.

Isn't that an incredible message?! Especially for these children who have monsters waiting for them around every corner. All the odds are against them. All of the world doesn't care about them. But God says in Isaiah that He has called each of us by name and we are His. That includes the orphans. He calls them precious. He sees them as beautiful.

It is one of the biggest honors in my life to get the opportunity to love on these children. I know with complete discernment that God led me to them in the most perfect timing. Not only am I getting to love on them and encourage them, I am being loved on as well.

On the last night in Africa, one girl testified about her summer in Africa. She went on to thank each of us for coming and doing the Lord's work. She thanked us for being faithful servants, blindly following God. But when she said that, images of my boys flashed through my mind instead. Wholeheartedly they obey the Lord. Selflessly they put others first. They have nothing and yet they give everything. I see Christ in their actions.

I pray daily that I don't let the stresses of life preoccupy my mind. What an example my boys have set. Their giants are named poverty, starvation, abuse, rape, disease, death. They look the devil in the eyes every single minute of every single day and yet they choose not to see him. Instead they believe in the Lord's strength. Instead the choose to give to others who have even less than them. Instead they become good and faithful servants.

I will never stop singing tolemi totela

So today was pretty chilly. Combine that with a bad cold and you have a pretty sick little camper. That's ok though because today was a good day. I have now completed 9 of my one on one times which is so good compared to last week. A lot of my boys Kelsey has had in the past and so she came over at the end to hang out with us. My boys really started opening up today. One of my boys, Alfred, told me he lives with his aunt and uncle and has for the past 4 or 5 years. He doesn't even know why he was sent to live with them because the rest of his brothers and sisters get to live with his parents. Well his uncle just got a phone call saying that Alfred's mom is so sick that she was in the hospital and is dying. After he told me that he just hung his head down and started crying. My heart broke for this little boy. Only 11 years old and having to know the pain of death so close to him. I held him and let him cry in my arms away from the other boys. What a blessing that our theme is Nehemiah 8:10 this year. I've never had to deal with my kids having family die so recently. What an amazing opportunity for us to share the joy of the Lord is our strength!

A recap on the story of Alex from yesterday. I talked to his brother, Levy, today. He was more open about the whole situation and how sad he was, but he didn't cry. Just really be praying for that family because there was definitely some witchcraft involved with the death. I know those of you in the states don't understand the power of witchdoctors and all that, but I'll tell you something it is very much alive here. We aren't trying to convert these kids from other religions or anything, we're trying to fight the devil. Plain and simple. That's our mission here. He plays tricks too so a prayer of healing and protection for all of us little sickies over here would be very helpful!

tonight is pizza night! whoop!

A Christian with a difference

sorry I didn't write yesterday (that really goes out to my mom who texted me to see why I didn't write) I probably had time but we decided to play games instead! So I will start with Saturday night.

We had dinner and then went back to villa 70 and probably over half of the americans were there playing mafia. It was soooo much fun. I feel like this week just started but I already have formed strong connections with the people who just got here. Then Sunday we got up and went to church. Pastor Rafael spoke again. He is so incredible. He talked about being a Christian with a difference. We talked about how faith without works is dead and how even the demons believe but God is looking for believers who obey.

Matthew 21:28 says "But don't just listen to God's word. You must do what it says. Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves." It goes on to talk about how when you walk up to a mirror you are intending to change something. The whole reason is to fix something out of place. You wouldn't look at yourself and see problems and not do anything about it. It's the same way when you read the Bible. Don't walk away unchanged. It would be foolish. Jesus followed God all the way to the cross. Not one time did he disobey. A Christian with a difference is one who obeys and not just believes.

Then after the market on Sunday we met our partners. My actual partner wasn't there because he works for the Kabanana CRC (where my boys last week were from) but I met my evangelist. Funny story, she was the one who I asked to help me one day last week because my apostle (helper) wasn't there and she didn't want to do it because she had never worked with boys before. Well surprise for her! She gets boys. But it was good, she is actually very nice. She is 27 with a 6 month old baby and skinny as a stick. After we got back from dinner we played combat uno. I don't think I've laughed so hard in a very long time.

So now on to today!! Well my boys were the VERY first group to arrive. I only have 2 return from last year and 13 new ones! They are from Avondale so they are not quite like all the other kids. Avondale is very far away and is pretty rural. I ended up doing 2 blessing times with the 2 that returned thinking it would be quick and easy but Alex broke my heart with what he had to say. Last year he stayed with his father and 2 brothers. His mom had passed away years ago but I found out that his dad just passed away last week. I just didn't know what to say. He had no expression on his face because he was trying to be strong but he said that he is very sad. So him and his younger brother, who is also in my group, moved in with his older brother. Now when I say older I only mean that he is 21. Can you imagine being 21 and taking care of a 15 and 13 year old?! They live in a servant's quarters behind the house that the older brother is a garden boy for. He hasn't been to school in 3 weeks because they have no money. I mean this is just one story of a million more just like it from these kids.

I leave you with prayer requests. All of us here are getting sick with runny noses and not being able to breathe. Pray that it isn't a distraction for us at camp!

Chipolopolo

Today was definitely a day in Zambia. Wish I could say I slept in but I was woken up around 7 by other people in my villa :( but that's ok because I finally got a shower!! (if you could really call it that... more like a hand held hose that I could rinse my hair out with) Anyways after the shower we went and said bye to the Utz family since they left today. Dad and Abigail stayed though so we're really excited about that! After we said bye we headed to the Arcades to eat at Mint!! We ate our delicious nutella pancakes. Probably one of my favorite foods of ALL TIME. I had forgotten how good they were. I really wanted to find an English to Nyanja dictionary but the bookstore only had grammar books. I guess I'll have to amazon that.

After we left the Arcades we went to the 20 and under Zambian National Soccer game!! IT was definitely an experience to remember. We started out on the sitting side which was fun. One guy was passing out balloons and he gave us some but then we saw on the other side the crowd was having a big party with instruments and everything so we switched sides. I seriously felt like a celebrity. It was so crazy. Jonathan had a GIANT Zambian flag and everybody was cheering for us so we started chanting Chipolopolo which was the name of the team. It means the bullets. When we got to the other side it was a dance party. I got some good video of it. I started feeling a little sick because people were smoking all around but it makes for a great story.

Tomorrow we have church again and then we get to meet our new partners! Can't wait to start another week! There is a good aggie crowd here this time! whoop!

JOY PARTY!!

ok let me just tell you today was the BEST DAY EVER. But it was also very bittersweet because I had to say bye to my boys. They are the most precious things in the entire world. Every year I say they've stolen my heart and every year they somehow find more of my heart to take. Gosh I think I'm going to start crying if I keep thinking about how much I love them. I mean I've seen these boys grow up now for the past 3 years. They have grown into such amazing leaders and have been completely transformed.

The day started out with them running toward me again. I don't think that ever gets old. Then I had them trace their hands in my journal so that I will have a little piece of them with me always. After that the JOY PARTY started. It was crazyyyy. We danced to the cotton eyed joe and a little elvis. Hilarious. During the joy songs they had confetti bombs going off all over the room and and people running around with bubble machines. I mean it was straight madness. Then one guy got up and juggled and rode the unicycle. After the joy party we gave the kids their blessing boxes and the ingredients to make Nshima. It was the cutest thing because we had to go collect all the ingredients at the top of the hill and bring it down to our group and well my partner was sick so she wasn't much help all day so I was trying to get it all myself. I had 60 pounds of sugar in my arms and I got about half way down the hill and was completely regretting my decision to carry it all alone but right when I thought I was going to drop it here come my boys running to my rescue! I have good boys. Then they came back and carried the oil and the mealie meal for me also.

When they opened their blessing boxes their favorite thing was the pictures of the muzungus! They were so interested in who they were to me. They especially loved the ones that were family members.

When the boys finally had to leave it was incredibly sad. I just stood their holding their hands through the bus and I was next to Joseph at one point and he whispered in my ear, "auntie Kailee promise me you wont forget me." Oh sweet Joseph. Never in my life will I EVER forget him. Never will I ever forget any of them.

The water in my villa hasn't worked in 2 days. I've been washing my hands, feet and face with hand wipes. Yeah it's a little gross, but let me tell you something. I'll take the dirty face and completely brown creased hands if that means that I'm getting to love on precious little children. I'll take the sand filled shoes and dirt trapped hair from a million little hands touching and playing with it all day. It's worth it. It's worth all the exhaustion. It's worth all the sunburn. It's worth the smell. It's worth everything.

Today we went to the Tree of Life Village and I can't believe how many houses are up now. Greer always starts out by telling the story or background on the houses and how they were funded and named. I've heard these stories at least half a dozen times but it doesn't matter. Every time I am brought to tears. Most of the houses are in dedication of somebody who passed away, but how great is it to know that although that person may no longer be with us, 15 beautiful children are ALIVE because of that house. The children live in their legacy. Ask me about some of the stories sometime, I'd love to share.


So today was great. I'm a little bummed it's over, but there is no doubt in my mind that I'll see them all again. I love this place.

a day in the community

Thank you for the prayers. I feel like today was very successful! (for me at least, some groups weren’t so lucky) I finished all my one on one times and then we had shoe day. 14 of my 15 boys got air force ones which is a miracle. One boy had crocs which was almost a disaster. He was the second boy to get shoes and when he got them he was very excited and said he loved them very much, but when we got outside he realized that he was the only boy in my group who didn’t get air forces. He got a little sad, but by the time we were getting on the buses to go to Kabanana he came up to me and said he was very happy about his shoes that he was given. Whew! Crisis averted. Then while we were in the community one of his friends came up to him and made fun of his “plastic shoes” but he told his friend that he loved them because they were his and God gave them to him! How awesome is that?!

Being in Kabanana for the third time was amazing. It’s so huge that I still haven’t been in the same place twice. Today we started at the CRC and found an old man pretty early on to talk to. At first he told us to go away but I think he was kidding. He turned out to be pretty funny. By boys shared the evangecube with him and then they asked if he had ever accepted Christ into his heart. He said no but that he was willing to do it today so my boys led him through the sinner’s prayer! Then they explained what they have been learning at camp all week that we put Jesus first, others second and ourselves last. So then we gave him a bag that was full of sugar, oil, and mealy meal. All the ingredients to make their staple food nshima. He was so thankful he kept clasping his hands and doing a little curtsy. That is the proper way to greet somebody who is respected or older than you. Then he gave me a hug which is nearly unheard of for an older man to do to a woman. It was incredible. Then we walked into a compound that was made up entirely of tents. My boys told me the name but now I can’t remember. The crazy part about it was that my boys told me that this is where the poor people live. The ones who have no hope and nobody to help them. They said these are the ones who suffer. I just couldn’t believe my ears. Here are my boys who maybe get one meal a day and get chased from school because they have no money to pay the fees and they felt sorry for these other people. One lady that we talked to was blind and didn’t move from her seat on the ground the whole time. I counted at least 15 flies sitting on her ankle. Not once did she try to brush them off. They just sat there as if they were part of her body.

Right when we got to Kabanana I got to meet Joseph’s girlfriend! It was so funny! Her name is Margaret. All the boys were making fun of him for having a girlfriend. I also met all of the boys school teacher. She already knew my name so I am guessing that the boys had told her. She seemed nice. I hope that she really is and she wasn’t just putting on a show.

On the way home we picked up some Zambians who were at a different CRC called Garden Hill and Kelvin was one of them! So we sat together and got to talk for a good while. I told him how I was working for Family Legacy now and he was pretty excited. He asked if in the near future if I would like to move to Zambia. I told him yes I would love that very much but I don’t think that I will get to any time soon. He kept saying how blessed he was to know me and I of course feel the same way about him. We got to talk about life and catch up. I felt like we laughed most of the time. He really is one of my best friends. I took some funny pictures with him.


My boys kept saying that tomorrow they are going to cry because it is our last day. I can’t believe the week is already over. I really don’t want it to end. I love these boys so so much. What I really want is a whole day of just getting to hang out with my kids in the community and just be with them.

Let Him break your heart.

I can’t believe Wednesday is already over. Today had it’s ups and downs. I’ll start with the ups. My boy Chrispin, the one we prayed for yesterday, had a great improvement. He jumped off the bus smiling and had a good attitude all day and then at the end he even ran up to the AV table to volunteer to pray to close out camp for everybody there. How awesome! Although he didn’t actually get to pray because somebody else beat him to it, but just the fact that he wanted to volunteer was amazing.

Ok so now some hard things. I was talking to Gracious during his one on one time and I asked him if he goes to church and he said yes that he goes to Jehovah’s Witness church. Now before coming here I wasn’t too familiar with what that means, but some key points are that they don’t believe in the trinity and they believe that it’s all about good works. Well I then decided to ask Gracious if he talks to his family about what he learns at camp and then he just started going off in Nyanja and finally my partner explained to me that Gracious doesn’t believe he will go to Heaven that they will just go back to the grave because that is where he came from. Hearing this just broke my heart. I mean if you meet Gracious he just the most precious boy you will ever lay eyes on. So after me trying to explain it to him it just wasn’t getting through so tomorrow morning the pastor is going to go through salvation and what it means to have Jesus in your heart. Hopefully if a wiser Zambian is explaining it to him that it will sink in. But it’s going to be hard especially since his whole family goes to this church and believes in it. So just be praying for that whole situation.

Today we had the infamous talk. We started out talking about how God created each thing with a specific design. And then how God created so many good things for us to enjoy including sex, but then the devil perverted it. That talk led into an HIV/AIDS talk and I did an example with some tootsie rolls. I gave them each one in the morning and I said don’t eat this sweet. The sweet represented the act of sex and it’s a gift from God. He tells us to hold on to it and keep it pure until his perfect timing (aka marriage). So if they kept the sweet all day then they would be rewarded at the end. So the day went on and at the end I asked them to pull out their sweet and 3 of them had already eaten it. If they ate it already that meant in the representation that they have had sex before marriage. So if they waited then they were rewarded with another sweet, but if they ate it I wanted to reiterate the fact that God is a gracious God and He forgives us our sins and tomorrow they will get a sweet. So anyways then we went on to talk about respecting others and I went through a few scriptures for them. Then for lunch we went and served a group of girls lunch and it was the greatest experience! I think my boys really got a lot out of it.

After camp today we got to go tour a CRC (Community Resource Center) and a LCA (Lifeway Christian Academy) which was by far the greatest thing in the world. There were so many kids there just waiting for us and we played with them and hugged them. I mean lets be honest I could have stayed there forever. I really wanted to sneak a kid on the bus.

Tomorrow is shoe day. Be praying for us because we have a mixture of real shoes and crocs. Sometimes the kids just expect shoes instead of seeing it for what they are. A gift from God. So the ones who end up with crocs aren’t very happy. Prayers are definitely needed so that all goes well.

Dinner tonight was the best food EVER. It was taco soup and cornbread and avocados! I was pretty much in Heaven. During testimony time we really got into talking about just how our hearts just break for the kids here and that’s something that is just so important. God wants our hearts to break for these kids because His heart breaks for these kids. These are His children and the things that they go through and the things that they see isn’t the way He intended it. He brought us here to see the hurt and the pain in their eyes. He brought us here to break our hearts.

The muzungu ball

So my day started out with my boys running toward me as they got off the bus. I brought my soccer ball today and they were so excited. They kept calling it the muzungu ball (the white person ball haha). Today we had a lot of blessing times which is one on one times with my boys. I got to see what has changed since last year in their lives. It was pretty sad actually because a lot of them don’t have enough money to go to school anymore. Which is not good because if they don’t go to school they have no way to go anywhere in life. They said that they get chased away from the school when they try to go. Can you imagine that? All these kids want to do is learn and they aren’t allowed because the school directors are so greedy for money that they refuse them. How different that is in America. Kids would rather be anywhere but a school. It just doesn’t seem fair.

I have this one boy, Chrispin, who tends to get in a lot of trouble. He has always had a feisty attitude, but today something was different. He kept getting into fights with the boys around him and not paying attention during big group and small group time. My partner said that he had an angry spirit and a difficult time paying attention. Last year he struggled with drinking with his friends so I talked to him about that and he said that he tried to quit but he just couldn’t do it on his own. He also said that he tries to pay attention but something in him wont let him. Well on the way out of the big group time he got in another fight with a boy from a different group and the leader of that group told me he thought Chrispin was very angry and that I should take him to the prayer room. This was about the third or fourth person who had told me this so finally we went. It was the craziest experience. In years past people have to go into the prayer room or “deliverance room” a lot because the kids in Zambia are just filled with evil spirits, but I never have had to do it. So immediately when we walk in the room the people who were praying noticed that Chrispin’s whole body was stiff and resistant. They tried asking him some questions but he was being very quiet. Then they noticed that he was wearing this chain around his neck and they said we should take it off of him because it could hold some evil powers if a witchdoctor gave it to him. Turns out the chain had no clasp or opening that we could take it off with so we had to pry to open. I don’t know how long I was in there for but like I said before I have never experienced anything like that. I wont go into much detail about it but something that was so incredible was that the main guy who was fervently praying for Chrispin didn’t know about his spirit of drunkenness and all of a sudden he started praying for that. It’s amazing how the Holy Spirit could lay that on his heart to pray for. Afterwards Chrispin was completely different. He helped count all the boys and line them up and was smiling and laughing again. Continue to keep him in your prayers along with all my boys.

My partner and I are struggling a little bit. She hardly ever translates for me. She will be talking in Nyanja to the boys and I will have to ask 4 or 5 times what she is saying before she answers. And even then her answer will be that they are just chatting. So I’m really hoping that gets better. Mine and Jodi’s partners went to the bathroom again after camp to put on makeup. They asked if we wanted to go and this time we said no haha.

Kelvin told me that he wants me to request him to be his apostle for next week. I wish I could but I told him that we weren’t allowed. But it has been so cool to getting to be a group next to him. It’s so encouraging.

At dinner, the Americans are given the opportunity to stand up and give testimonies about their days and some of them are just heartbreaking. A girl shared about how one of her girls just found out that she is HIV positive. The child is eight. EIGHT. These children endure so much and you can see it in their eyes that all they want is for somebody to love them. For somebody to look them in their eyes and tell them they have worth. I think of how much I LOVE my boys and I can’t understand how somebody could ever think otherwise. All I have to do is look at them and my heart is filled with joy.

Tomorrow or the next day I am going to be talking to my boys about respecting women and making the right decisions so be praying for that conversation. I have partnered with an American who has girls about the same age and I’m going to have my boys serve them lunch. I’m really excited about that!

I hope all is well in the states.

much love.

I am so blessed.

What a great day. Man. I just could not have asked for anything better. Ok so before I came to Africa I took a little peek at my rosters of the boys I would be getting while here (the perks of working for FLMI now!) and I found out that they were ALL kinds of messed up. I mean they had them at different schools, mixed up, switched weeks, and a whole new group. So I quickly sent the names of my boys from last year in hopes that it would help. Well I had no idea going into today which kids I would actually be getting. This morning, 13 of my 15 boys, that I’ve now had for 3 years, stepped off the bus!!! They saw me immediately and started waving their arms trying to get my attention! When I saw them my heart just lit up and I ran all the way across the (dirt) field to hug them! They were jumping up and down, clapping and laughing. It was the greatest reunion! I can’t believe how big they have gotten. One or two are nearly my size!! I’m not really sure why I didn’t get the other two but I talked to the zone leaders of Kabanana and they said they would bring them to camp tomorrow so hopefully I end up with all 15 boys again! This is very rare. I feel SO BLESSED. All day they kept hugging me and telling me that they were so happy to see me. I, of course, was saying the exact same thing to them!

A few more of them are learning English now. So now Joseph, Gracious, Lyson, Matthew, and Blessings can understand me for the most part. Lyson really impressed me today. Last year he was somewhat quiet and I would say he was one of the happiest people to see me today. He also was a great leader and had some pretty powerful prayers.

I just love Zambians. I mean they are all so friendly and happy. I love trying to learn Nyanja so that I can tell it to them the next day. I have 2 verses memorized now plus quite a few phrases and words. It’s funny because when you talk to them in Nyanja they just start laughing, but it’s because they are so happy that I am trying to learn. My partner would walk around and tell everybody that I know Nyanja! She was so proud of me! I really like Ezra, but at times it is difficult because she doesn’t always translate for me. So they will be having a conversation sometimes and I will have no idea what they are talking about. Also afterwards she made us go to the bathroom so she could put on makeup! Ha! That was something new.

I got to see Kelvin SO SO much. Our groups are right next to each other which is awesome. It no longer makes me sad that I’m not his partner. I am just so thankful to get to see him daily. I also got to see Paul, who was my partner last year a lot. I think he has grown spiritually since then! What a difference a year makes!

Oh I forgot to mention that the first thing my boys asked me is if I was married yet. Every year I just make them more and more sad. I said “No no no I am way too young!” and they all started laughing at me! They love me so much and just really want to see me married off. Hahaha how sweet?

Anyways today was a great day. I forgot how exhausting it is though. It’s only 8:30 and I would like to be in bed! I still have to make 9 sandwiches and drop some supplies off at another villa. And maybe play some games :)

prayer requests- maybe for me and my partner. We get along really really well but hopefully we connect better as a team. Oh and just some energy around here!


love from Africa.

All He wants is faith.

Alright lets start from the beginning.. I warn you now.. this could end up being a long post.

Well the plane rides weren’t terrible I guess. We signed up for the kids meals instead of the regular food they serve. Best idea ever. Not only do you get served first, it was mainly just chicken and mashed potatoes. I mean who doesn’t like that? While in London we went to a friend of Maddie’s flat. Although we didn’t sleep, it was still relaxing and fun! We got to play with their baby and eat food! The second plane ride, I was determined to sleep! I ate my dinner and took my sleeping pills and waited… and waited.. and waited. 2 movies, some ipod time, and some bathroom and snack breaks I finally realized that sleep was not in my future anytime soon. By the time we landed I was definitely a little delirious. When we got to the villas I had been awake for just shy of 48 hours. I lay down on our (rock hard) bed just for a few minutes and didn’t get up for much much later. I basically slept the entire day away! But it was well worth it because I could hardly function!

After getting all rested up we had our first meeting with Greer and the rest of the Americans. It felt so good to finally be back here. Greer started talking about how the devil has tried everything he can in order to keep us away from here. When I heard that I couldn’t help but laugh. Me and mom’s week leading up to me leaving was absolutely crazy. Between our car breaking down in the middle of nowhere, tx to walking into my brother’s apt only to realize that other people had already helped themselves to some of our stuff it was all sorts of difficult. BUT through it all I finally made it.

Sunday- we woke up this morning for church. Now.. if you have never heard me talk about Zambian church or if you just have never heard about it at all, my friends, you are missing out. I will have videos when I get back. It is the most powerful thing I have ever experienced in my entire life. I mean, it’s just beyond words amazing.

But first I must back up to one of my favorite verses. Matthew 28:18-20. Jesus says in the beginning of those verses that He has all authority under Heaven and earth. We have arrived here because of Him. We have come in His name. He tells us then to go, therefore, and make disciples of all nations. THAT is our purpose. When we feel inadequate to do the jobs we’re in, know that all authority is from Him. Accept this. Be ready. God is not going to waste any time. Just let Him work. Let Him flow through you and accomplish what He wants to accomplish. We are the body of Christ. Don’t get in the way of a miracle. This week believe in miracles. Today believe in miracles.

Listen. Speak. Realize. That your hands have the power to change lives because God has anointed you to be wherever it is that you are.

Ok so at church Pastor Rafael spoke. Let me tell you He has the Power of Christ in his voice. Our topic was of Abraham and Isaac. He asked us.. will you sacrifice your Isaac this time? I know I’ve written about Abraham and Isaac before, but I must share what I learned this morning. We talked mainly of sacrifice. What does that mean? If God had told Abraham to simply just give up one of his sons he would have easily chosen Ishmael. But for Abraham to give up Isaac would mean he would be giving up the one he loved. To sacrifice means to feel pain inside you. God isn’t interested in the Ishmael in your life. He wants the Isaac. He wants to see if you will sacrifice the thing that you love the very most for Him. Here is the good news, the result of your sacrifice is filled with blessings. You see, God started it all. He was the first one to sacrifice. Followed by Jesus. Followed then be Abraham. The question now is, will you be next?


All He wants is faith.

isn’t that such a good message? I loved it! Very powerful! Especially at a Zambian church


So after church we went to the market and ate at La Gondola and had some delicious pizza! The market was great! Got some good stuff. I always have to leave and assess what all I had bought because it is a little overwhelming! I made a new list of the things I still need and will get the rest next week.

THEN I GOT TO SEE KELVIN!! I just love getting to see him. He is such a joy in my life. He sat with me while we did some of the dances and before we got our new partners. Of course he isn’t allowed to be mine. I also got to see Paul who was one of my partners last year and Moses who was a helper of mine. He was wearing the a&m shirt I got him last year! How precious.

My new partner is a girl. Her name is Ezra. I really like her a lot! She is 21 and is super fun. My helper is named Pocious. I’m not really sure how old he is but he does have 6 kids!

Lets see.. we had our necklace bagging competition tonight as our ministry project and of course the BAG force one. Which means we get first in line for pizza night on tues. I will say the food so far is incredible compared to years past. Last night we had shepherds pie (aka mashed potatoes, hamburger meat, and a few carrots mixed in) and tonight was Nshima night. Can’t say it’s my favorite but it honestly has no flavor whatsoever. I ate it with the sauce (I didn’t want to ask what exactly it was) and it wasn’t too bad. I hear of this place that I think we’re going to next Saturday where you get to pick out your goat and eat it!! Yeah I know shocking that I am going to eat goat meat, but hey when in africa right?

Ps- Skye your name is Makumbi in Nyanja.

So at this point I’m sure not many more are still reading this, but if you are some prayer requests for you! Tomorrow is our first day of camp so just pray that we all have a really great connection with our partners because without that bond then camp will be really rough. Also that the kids just come ready and excited to see what the Lord has in store for them this week!

Hope all is well in the states! Love and miss you all.

Chikondi.

Live as you are called!

ok ok i know it's been ages. I'm sure those who used to read my blog stopped trying a long time ago. Sorry about that!

updates on life:

-I leave for Africa in 9 days. whoop!
-I have been watching the world cup so that I can be cool when I get there
-Patricia, Steph, and Mel are all married women now. crazzzzzy.
-I've been working in the FLMI office for a month now and I'm in love with it there
-living with a dog is interesting.. as much as I love her, I could do without the poop in my room.
-I decided that I want to read all of cs lewis' books.. i'm still on The Screwtape Letters. It's been a busy summer.
-I've been attending Watermark Community Church
-life is good.


"Only let each person lead the life that the Lord has assigned to him, and to which God has called him. This is my rule in all the churches." 1 Cor 7:17


I've been really convicted lately of being content with where the Lord has me NOW. Not in 5 years or 10. Not next week or next month. I'm talking about right now. God has led me to Dallas to work now. In a week and a half He is taking me to Africa. But for now I'm in an office. processing credit cards. among other things of course, but lately that is what my life consists of. I dream of numbers, constituent names, schedules, and amounts. Normally I would say that isn't a very ideal place for me to be in, but I haven't told you the best news about it yet. You see, with every schedule I create and every credit card that gets processed, one more kid is sponsored. One more kid gets food at night. One more kid gets a better education. One more kid gets medical care, clothes on their backs, and a discipleship leader teaching them about Jesus!

Now that makes it all worth it. That makes it ideal. I have a passion for my job. I have a passion for where God placed me this past month. And I know it was intentional because I finished the job I've been working on just in time. If I wasn't sent there, there would not have been enough people to finish!

"Each one should remain in the condition in which he was called. Were you a slave when called? Do not be concerned about it. For he who was called in the Lord as a slave is a freedman of the Lord. Likewise he who was free when called is a slave of Christ. You were bought with a price; do not become slaves of men. So, brothers, in whatever condition each was called, there let him remain with God." 1 Cor 7:20-24


Don't desire or want what you don't have. God has intentionally placed you exactly where He wants you. He is going to use you just the way you are. If you are single, be single for Him. If you're still in college, let that be your mission. If you are overseas feeling alone, cling to Him.

He knows what He is doing. He has a perfect plan. It is far greater than anything we can even dream of.


So put away that 5 year plan you wrote out and live as you are called!!

I am the very last.

"Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace." 1 Peter 4:9-10

service. something that I am constantly being convicted of. But it's not just about serving. It's serving with a joyful heart. gosh that's something that I struggle with.

One night in Africa this past summer, me and one other girl were asked to make the sandwiches for all the girls in our villa while they had to watch a video. no big deal right? well each girl is required to make 9 sandwiches a night. so adding it all up, that was 81 sandwiches for us to make. you better believe it took us the entire time everybody was gone to make them. we even packaged them up neatly and wrote their names on each bag so they would know the next morning which bag belonged to which girl.

When all the girls came home we were so excited to share with them that we had finished and cleaned up and everything! I hate to say that nobody cared, but honestly nobody cared. not one girl said thank you. not one girl even blinked an eye to all the work we put in to making their sandwiches. I mean they asked us to do it and therefore they expected us to do it. So if it was expected then what's the big deal?

Let me tell you, there was grumbling. I did this great deed that took all night and not the slightest appreciation was given.

um.. can we talk about selfish? yeah I'm a little ashamed of my behavior.


I had forgotten what it means to serve. It's not about the thanks at the end or the applause or the pat on the backs. It's not about what you get from it or being recognized for the good you did. It's about God. It's about representing Christ as we walk daily. All praise should go to Him.

"whoever speaks, as one who speaks oracles of God; whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies- in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 4:11


This year our theme for Africa is JOY. While yes it does mean letting the joy of the Lord be our strength, it's also an acronym. It stands for Jesus, Others, You. Delight in Jesus first. Serve others second. and third. and fourth. and fifth. and on and on. Don't ever stop serving others. If you're serving the Lord like you're supposed to joy will be there.

So be last. Put yourself at the back of the line. Sit out a game or two. Let somebody else have your turn. Clean up after your roommates. Go the extra 5 minutes to drop a friend off across town. Just stop centering life around yourself because there is no joy in that. There is no life in that. There is nothing in that.

Thank You Jesus for being a servant first so that we have the absolute perfect example of what it looks like.

To You be the glory and dominion forever and ever. amen.

life is beautiful.

oh my goodness. On Friday I graduate from Texas A&M University. Seriously? I don't know how I managed to get here, but somehow I have.

Just reflecting back on my time these past 4 years, my heart is overflowing with joy and love. The Lord has blessed me beyond words. So if can't capture that feeling right now it's because it's too big.

I started out driving myself to fish camp with my mom right behind me. They separated us before I got to say goodbye. My loving mother found me in the chaos to calm my nerves and give me a hug. She made sure my journey to A&M began right.

At fish camp God intentionally placed incredible people in my life. It was there that life long friendships were formed. It was there that I realized I was about to embark on a great adventure.

Freshmen year I was searching for my identity. God was working in me, but I didn't quite see it for myself yet. I joined ASC on what felt like a whim, but now I know that was part of the plan all along.

Sophomore year I moved in with my best friends and we've been together ever since. I joined more organizations and continued looking for something to give me worth. The Lord was tugging on my heart to go to Africa. Honestly at this point He had been for at least a year. Finally, I heard Him.

Summer of 2008. I went to Africa. Forever I am changed.

Junior year was full of blessings. I became a leader in ASC and had the GREATEST wil group a girl could have. My group of friends were encouraging and inspiring. Africa had stolen my heart and I knew I was never getting it back.

Summer of 2009. I went back to Africa. It was different and hard. I jumped off a bridge. Forever I am changed.

Senior year was indescribable. My friendships were rooted in Christ. I was filled up abundantly. I've never learned more in my life than from the things I endured this year. I became Discipleship chair in ASC and fell in love with the most amazing women of Christ. Watching them grow and love the Lord pushed me to do the same. If I could describe this year in one word it would be love. Maybe I didn't see it all the time, but it was there.

now. I'm leaving College Station in a week. I'm moving to Dallas and working with Family Legacy. I have no money, but I'm trusting that God knows what He is doing. The money will come.

July. I'm going back to Africa. I can't wait to see more change.





God is closing this book of my life and handing me another. I know He has already written it and it's going to be better than I can imagine. I mean, He did such a great job on all the past ones, doesn't that give us great hope!? I know it does for me. I want to look back on this time of my life and be joyful. I want to remember the blessings He gave me and praise His name. I don't want to look back and say those were the best years of my life. I'm constantly looking forward. I'm constantly realizing that life is beautiful (phrase credit to April Gary, love you.)


Because, well, it is. Life is beautiful. If you don't see it now, wait for it. You'll see it soon. Take every opportunity as it's given. If you're going home to live with your parents again for the first time in four years, praise Jesus! You get to be surrounded by the ones who love you. If you're traveling across country or across the world, praise Jesus! You get to do God's work to the unreached and forgotten. If you're starting a new job in a new city, praise Jesus! What a great way to find new community. If you're getting married, praise Jesus! He's given you somebody to share life with.


rejoice in the life He has given you because, my friends, it's absolutely, without a doubt, beautiful.



"And He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together." Colossians 1:17

When we forsake the lives of others, we actually forsake our own.

"Be not forgetful to entertain strangers, for some have entertained angels unaware." Hebrews 13:2


I have a sign that has that verse in the doorway of my house. It wasn't until today that I realized how big of a hypocrite that makes me. What strangers have I let in? How many times have I said no to somebody who knocked on the door?

How many times have I looked down on somebody asking for money on the street? Or worse, how many times did I not even look?

"Remember those in prison as if you were their fellow prisoners, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering." Hebrews 13:3


Maybe we may not know the pain of the man we pass on the road, but don't we all suffer? Don't we all know pain? Have we not all been imprisoned by something? If we know what if feels like, why don't we choose to help others who are still there? What makes us think we're any better just because we're not in that place anymore?

I'm tired of living selfishly. There is no joy in that. The money, food, house and everything else I have wasn't meant to stay with me. We've been given the opportunity to reach out and proclaim the goodness of the Lord with those who have been told by the world they are worthless.


"One gives freely, yet grows all the richer; another withholds what he should give, and only suffers want." Proverbs 11:24

"Whoever despises his neighbor is a sinner, but blessed is he who is generous to the poor." Proverbs 14:21

"Whoever oppresses a poor man insults his Maker, but he who is generous to the needy honors him." Proverbs 14:31

"Whoever closes his ear to the cry of the poor will himself call out and not be answered." Proverbs 21:13


You may not have much or think you can contribute enough to make a difference, but don't let that stop you. Jesus used 5 loaves and 2 fish to feed the five thousand.


Don't you think He can use you too?

consider the birds.

"Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they?" Matthew 6:25-26

Well it's been a while since I've updated and something HUGE has happened that needs to be said. All of my money for Africa is in. Did you catch that? Let me say it again just in case.. All 4,700 dollars that I needed to raise by April 2nd was raised in time. Praise Jesus.

morning of April 2nd: I still needed $1,200. That was a pretty discouraging number. I wasn't really that anxious about the money until the week of. All of a sudden I began to panic. Can you imagine the size of my panic when on the day the money was due, there was an impossibly huge number staring back at me from the computer screen? If you need a visual, that kind of panic involved tears. And perhaps some misplaced blame.. whoops. I never claimed to be perfect :)

BUT He mopped up my tears and covered my words with grace and placed people in my life that have blessed me beyond anything I could ever imagine. He says in Matthew that he takes care of the birds that have far less value than we do. He feeds them. He keeps them safe. He loves them. He does all of that for birds. Birds! How could I not realize that He would do even more for me??

"But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? Therefore do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the world seeks after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." Matthew 6:30-33

Seek. Pursue. Desire. That's what He wants from us. To seek Him. To pursue Him. To desire Him. I think that's what we should be striving for. And then, all those questions we have about life, they'll seem so mundane. They wont matter. Because we don't have to question things we know. And when we're seeking His righteousness, we KNOW we are taken care of.


so next time doubt creeps in... just consider the birds.

"I'm just a nobody trying to tell everybody about a Somebody who can save anybody"

amen? yes.


That quote is from an amazing book called Same Kind of Different as Me. If you have not heard of this book please stop reading this blog. Get in your car and go to a bookstore. I'm not kidding. It will change your life.

Let me just give you a little summary:

It's from 2 different perspectives. One from a rich man and one from a homeless man. They think they are worlds apart. They couldn't be more different. Then their worlds are brought together and as it turns out, they have a bit more in common then they originally thought. Both have struggles. Both have problems from their past. Both are looking for something more. They may be different on the outside, but are one in the same on the inside.

I won't say anymore about it except for the fact that it is truly eye opening. I just think that we all too often get stuck in our own little worlds or bubbles or whatever it is we want to call them and we forget that hey, maybe that other person wears different clothes but who cares. Maybe they live in a different state or a different country. Maybe they have more money than you or maybe they don't have any money at all. Maybe they appear to be mean but maybe it's just an appearance.

how do we know what other people are really like if we don't ask? If we don't get to know them? If we don't take the time to care? who knows, maybe they're exactly like you.

challenge this week:

let go of yourself. let go of status and stereotypes and everything else that says you can't associate with certain people.

"'Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?' And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, 'Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.'" Mark 2:16b-17


stop caring about who you're seen with. we're all people. we're all the same no matter how different we are. we all need Love.

so be a nobody and tell everybody about a Somebody who can save anybody.

attitude is everything.

my dad used to tell me that growing up.

Usually it was because I just struck out or let the ball get past me in the field. Afterwards I would beat myself up about it. I let it bring me down. I let it ruin the rest of the game. That one mistake led to many more mistakes because I couldn't let it go.

attitude is everything.

This past summer in Africa I struck out when it came to my partner. I wanted Kelvin. I didn't get him and I let it bring me down. I let it ruin the rest of the day. That one mistake led to many more mistakes because I couldn't let it go.

attitude is everything.

this past weekend in Austin at the Africa meeting I struck out when they told us if our kids were over the age of 16 they might not get to come to camp this year. I wanted my boys. I might not get them and I let it bring me down. I let it ruin a couple of days. That one mistake led to may more mistakes because I couldn't let it go.

attitude is everything.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed." 2 Cor 4:8-9

"When you try to save your own life, your own desires, you will lose. But when you decide to put aside your desires, to lose your life for me, you will find it." Matthew 16:25


I'm tired of living for my own desires. Fervently I pray that my desires and God's desires for me are one in the same. I know I will fail. God knows I will fail. Hearing that I may never see my sweet boys again breaks my heart. But I know God didn't send me to Africa to only show His love to 15 beautiful boys. He has a bigger plan for me.

So yes, my heart hurts a little. Yes, I miss my boys something fierce. Yes, I'm trusting that God will take care of me. And yes, I pray that my attitude should be that of Christ Jesus through these situations that I can't understand.

because attitude is everything.


"your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus, who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped. But made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness." Phil 2:5-6

and where there is uncertainty, there is fear.

this week I'm learning a lot about being motivated by fear.

for example, in 1 Samuel, when David is being sought after by Saul, he runs to the city of priests for protection. I feel like that is an understandable move. God sent Jonathan to warn David for a reason, after all, to get away from Saul. But it's what he does here that really shows his fear.

Earlier, when facing Goliath, David tells him that even though he comes with swords and spears, they mean nothing because David has the armies of God with him. Armies. Yeah, plural.

But now here he was. Fearful for his life. What does he do? He asks for the very sword he told Goliath wasn't powerful enough to defeat God.

Why?

because his faith was wavering. Maybe he was trying to protect himself. Maybe he needed to see something tangible. Maybe he just panicked. Who really knows.

but we all can relate.

how many times have we picked up that sword? How many times have we attempted to take matters into our own hands? Too many times to count on those hands that's for sure.

BUT God anticipates our fear. He knows it's going to happen, and he promises to stick by our side through it all.

"I am with you always, even to the end of the age." Matthew 28:20

"For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39


I know I've said this line before, but I just love it's power:

Even when we are faithless, He is faithful.


friends, take heart in that. I sure do.


challenge for this week:

next time you're afraid, don't pick up the sword. Have faith that the Lord is in this. He will take care of you.

but if you do pick up that sword in desperation, take comfort in knowing that nothing can separate you from the love of God. Nothing. He will provide for you just like He provided for David.

our only weapon against the devil is love.

today is the day of love.

for those who are in relationships- it's one of the best days
for those who are not- it's one of the worst

for me, today was great. probably because I'm in the sweetest relationship I'll ever be in. A relationship with my Jesus :)

seriously though. Today truly has been a blessing.

after watching a documentary called Furious Love, I was reminded of how much God loves us. How much he cares for us. and then I was reminded of how much he loves the orphans, the widows, drug addicts, prostitutes, depressed, homeless, possessed, and scared. How easily we forget about those people, but God, He never will.

one of the most heart wrenching scenes for me was when a former prostitute (still a very young girl) was talking about her life. She said she felt worthless and invaluable. BUT NOW she knows that God looks at her and sees her value. That she is His daughter and her past is wiped clean! Just hearing her talk about redemption just filled my heart with joy! It is such a testament of hope in all of our lives. No matter where we've been or who we were before, God will always love us.

And then at church today we talked about the story of Isaac and Rebekah and how Rebekah wasn't chosen because of her outer beauty, but was tested to see her character. That's what it's all about. She was a woman who feared the Lord. She was tied to obedience which led her to be a woman of character. That's why she was chosen for Isaac. Because she was running after Him. She wasn't mixing with the world. Christ was number one in her life.

when He's not, that's when our lives crumble.

so I give you two challenges.

1. Put Him first. Run wholeheartedly towards God. Let Him love you and your heart wont stand a chance. It's a furious love.

2. Give love. He says in Matthew 25:40, "I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me." Those people in the documentary today, they need love too. We weren't meant to be selfish with God's love, but to pour it out abundantly.


so fill up with Christ's love
and go.

even when we are faithless, He is faithful.

So the Lord is teaching me a lot this week. Hard lessons. Lessons I wish I didn't have to learn, but none-the-less, I'm learning them.

I know I have a hard time expressing myself when I speak. I think it's because I'm not a fan of being in the spot light. I get really embarrassed and to be quite honest it terrifies me. It's much easier for me to get my thoughts out when I write.. that doesn't mean I'm any better at writing than I am speaking, but atleast I enjoy it more :)

I think sometimes I forget why I have joy in my life. When things are good and I'm happy, I forget that God is the one who brought that joy.

For example, if you know anything about me, you know I love being in Africa. I love my boys. I love the atmosphere. I love everything about it there. I feel so alive when I'm there. It's just the most incredible feeling in the entire world. I feel home.

This past summer, I faced a pretty big struggle. Ok if you count the old man who wanted to fight me, 2 big struggles ha. Anyways, I was nearing the end of my trip.. just a couple days left and gosh I was just loving life. Seriously I was just on a high. I think in that moment I forgot who brought me there. I forgot that these weren't my boys at all, that they're His and I just get to be the vessel FOR HIM.

So Thursday night, with one full day left of camp, God brought me to my knees. He needed my attention and I wasn't giving it to Him. That night, I got a kidney stone. Yes, a kidney stone in africa. I can't say that it was the most fun I ever had, but I will say it was one of the biggest blessings.

I would say I'm a pretty emotional person, but I don't cry for myself very often. I cry, don't get me wrong. I cry in movies, commercials, when I'm happy, when I see other people cry, but when it comes to my pain, I fight hard.

As I laid on that bed, I felt hopeless. I mean I was in Africa! I didn't have time for this. And then to top it off, there were no American doctors. I was going to have to go to an African doctor and get an iv so that I could pass the stones. That was a pretty scary thought. Where was my control? I had none. I was in pain, in Africa, had no medication and no control. I wept.

and the Lord heard me.

Turns out a girl in my villa had pain killers with her because she just had some dental work done and she brought them just in case she needed them. She didn't use one. I mean if that isn't the Lord planning ahead for me then I don't know what is. So because of that I was able to stay in the villa and be a little bit more relaxed. I drank water every chance I could and tossed and turned all night just praying to God. I was broken. There was nothing that I could do in this situation. I literally had to rely on Him with every ounce of me.

The next morning I passed the stone. Blows your mind, right? Background info on kidney stones.. it usually takes weeks sometimes even a month before you pass a stone. I passed the stone in less than 24 hours by His grace alone. In that moment, He said, "Look My daughter. Look at my power. Look at my mercy. Look what I have done for you. Look how much I love you."

So he took away my kidney stones. Miracle one. Don't worry my friends, He wasn't done showing me His glory just yet. It was the last day of camp. Fun day. Play day. Gift day. The best day ever. And I felt like death (I'm pretty sure I looked like death too). How was I going to love on these kids on the most fun day ever?? I had nothing left. I was empty. God help me! My boys were running toward me and I was ready to crumble. But as I gave each hug, there He was. Energy. Energy. Energy. By the time all my boys were with me, I was filled up! God is so faithful. He whispered, "I will fill you up, beloved. Come to me. I am your joy. I am your strength!"

Psalm 73:21-28
"When my soul was embittered, when I was pricked in heart, I was brutish and ignorant; I was like a beast toward you. Nevertheless, I am continually with you; you hold my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will receive me to glory. Whom have I in heaven but you? And there is nothing on earth that I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart my fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. For behold, those who are far from you shall perish; you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you. But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works."


I know this is a forever long post, but I say all of this to say, sometimes life is hard. Sometimes it takes unexpected turns for us. But God plans ahead. They aren't unexpected turns for Him. God knows the struggles that we're going to go through. He's ready to fight for us.

Earlier, I said that I don't cry for myself very often. I fight. For some reason I have this idea in my head that I have to be strong. But friends, good news! We don't have to fight alone. We don't have to have everything together. In fact, we don't have everything together. It's ok to not be ok sometimes because I think when we admit that, we admit that we can't do this on our own. But it's not ok to stay there. We need to cling to our sweet Father. We need to give it all up to Him. He's ready to fight for us. He's ready to fight for you.

Let Him fight for you.