5 weeks.

exactly 5 weeks until africa. I can't hardly believe it.

I feel like it's the only thing that is on my mind, but it still doesn't seem real that I get to go back. I just miss my boys so incredibly much! it's so crazy knowing that it's been a whole year since I've seen them! I bet they've grown so much since then! What if I have trouble recognizing them?!

Last time I left Africa my heart was broken. It was the hardest thing in the entire world to leave and I didn't want to do it knowing that my baby boys were still there and still living in the conditions that they were. It just wasn't fair that these precious children were having to grow up so fast. That they've had to experience things beyond their 15 years. I was definitely still learning as I left because it took all of me to remind myself that I wasn't leaving them alone. We taught them about peace and how the Lord is their shepherd, so why was it so hard for ME to remember that?? Why was it so hard for me to believe that God had His strong arms over each and every one of them?? I was forced to have complete and 100% faith that God was taking care of my boys. Let me tell you, that wasn't a pretty piece of cake for me to do. If you know me at all, you know that I like to be involved and that's how I know things are working out right, by being in the middle of it. In this situation, I obviously couldn't do anything. It was the worst feeling. I felt so helpless and so hopeless.

But I know God is so good and He is taking care of them when I can't.


I'm also really excited to get a new group of kids! Secretly, I want little girls. But we all know from last year that God is going to give us what He thinks we should have! Last year I picked little boys 6-9 yrs old. I then decided to tell God that if I didn't get this age group that I would just not know what to do with myself. I had to have what I wanted. Well, God definitely laughed at me at that point and then decided to give me 10-15 yr old boys. and He gave me 15 of them. I was scared out of my mind, but each and every one of those boys was hand picked for me.

especially Joseph.

now I know you aren't supposed to pick favorites, but if I did, Joseph would definitely be mine. Let me just tell you when Joseph stole my heart. I had first met my boys and found out that none of them spoke english and was kind of freaking out. I then had to write my group number on all of their wrist bands, but when I got to Joseph, he says, "Auntie Kailee, Auntie Kailee, I don't have one!" Just as soon as those words came out, his eyes grew huge and he covered his mouth. He had just revealed his secret, he knew english! We laughed and he soon became my little helper.

something I realized after I left that just made me realize how awesome God is, is that I wasn't even supposed to have Joseph! He didn't get a wrist band from his school and technically wasn't even supposed to be at camp. He was taken away from me in the very beginning before I even knew who he was, but he made his way back before the day was over! My sweet Joseph was meant to be mine. His story was meant to be heard by me. It broke my heart.

the moment I knew I had to come back:
It was the very last day of camp, my boys were getting on the buses to leave. I had already been crying because of some pretty devistating news about Joseph, but he grabbed my face with both hands and looked me in the eyes and said, "I'll see you next year Auntie Kailee, I'll see you next year." He got on the bus and opened the window. I grabbed his hands and kept telling him how much I loved him. He turned his head so that I wouldn't see him wipe the tears from his face. He was trying to be so strong.

I knew then my story wasn't over here. I didn't know when it would be, but I knew it wasn't yet.